I just whipped up a little something for your TMI Tuesday pleasure. Enjoy!

Jack’s Answers

1. Have you ever had an orgasm at work? How? Tell us the circumstances.
Quite a few times, actually. In my early twenties it was not uncommon for me to masturbate at my desk at work after hours. I’m not sure why I did this so often, beyond just being horny. In other words, I don’t think I got any major sexual thrill out of getting off at my desk at work. Additionally, I have no idea what I used as visual or mental inspiration; this was between, say, 1996 and 2001. There were no porn on demand the way we have it today. I didn’t have a cell phone, let alone an internet-capable smartphone with which I could access streaming porn, sex blogs, Twitter, etc. I have also had sex in no fewer than two of my former places of employment, including of course the office where I had sex with my boss Christine.

2. Do you ever fantasize about your significant other while you are at work?
I don’t believe I ever fantasized about my then-current significant other while masturbating at my desk as described above. However, as I currently work from home, I can say that I have definitely fantasized about my significant other, i.e. Jill, while at work. Though probably not as much as I fantasize about other women.

3. How old was the oldest person with whom you’ve had sex?
Late forties. Forty-seven, I believe. Granted, I was in my mid-thirties at the time, so that’s really not such a drastic age gap. If the question is simply asking for the widest age gap between me and someone else with whom I’ve had sex, it’s not much greater, perhaps about twelve years.

4. Have you ever fallen asleep during sex?
Yes, but only because I was drunk.

5. Have you ever cross-dressed or worn undergarments of the opposite sex?
One time when I was a kid I put on my mother’s bra as a goof.

Bonus: You have the power to banish one person from earth, who would you banish?
I guess my answer would depend on the specific location to which I’m banishing them. Am I banishing them to Hell, or a Hell-like region since I don’t actually believe in Hell? I’m thinking Dick Cheney. An alternate reality where human beings evolved from lizards rather than primates? Dick Cheney again. Outer space? And if it’s outer space, will they be banished to a sterile but hospitable space station or other relatively safe environment, or am I banishing them into the cold vacuum of space itself? Either way, Dick Cheney. Fuck that guy.

Jill’s Answers

1. Have you ever had an orgasm at work? How? Tell us the circumstances.
I don’t think so. I mean, I’m pretty sure I never have. I mean, I work with kids. At a school. It’s just not appropriate. Plus, if I got caught I couldn’t just get a job at a school in the next town. Professionally I’d be completely fucked, and not in the good way. It would be a total disaster. Basically, all the reasons why Jack and I require discretion in our sex life pretty much prohibit me from ever getting off at my job.

2. Do you ever fantasize about your significant other while you are at work?
Nope. Sorry. Look, my job isn’t conducive to sexual fantasy. There are kids around almost always, and when there aren’t any, I’m still surrounded by various things that don’t scream “sexy” to me: Art projects. Paint. Paste. Brightly-colored pictures. Blocks. Not to mention the threat of sudden interruption and discovery by a principal or other school administrator, or even a janitor. That’s just weird.

3. How old was the oldest person with whom you’ve had sex?
Probably around forty when I was in my mid-twenties.

4. Have you ever fallen asleep during sex?
Yes. After I have my last orgasm I’m usually very relaxed. Falling asleep does sometimes happen, and not always when I want it to.

5. Have you ever cross-dressed or worn undergarments of the opposite sex?
I don’t think so. Do boy shorts count?

Bonus: You have the power to banish one person from earth, who would you banish?
Just one person? I’d probably go with the entire Westboro Baptist Church. If I have the power to banish one person I’m sure I can arrange to ban the entire cult without too much fuss. Nobody wants them here anyway.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!