“I’m S!” says the woman who has in fact been represented by that initial on this blog in last November’s post The Year of Near Misses.  Actually she doesn’t actually say it, as far as I can tell.  It’s an instant message.  She follows this up with an emoticon, to wit a coy wink that is unnecessary to convey her flirty nature,  but appreciated nonetheless.  I imagine her thrill upon reading the post in question, upon realizing that she’s been referenced, if only by a single letter, in front of our sizable readership.

Actually, is our readership sizable these days?  I doubt it, as our blogging activity is not what it once was.  Still, it’s out there.  I ask her how she feels about that.  When I read that she’s flattered, I’m relieved.  After all, I wrote that post with the expectation that she’d never read it.  I tell her as much:  “It wasn’t necessarily intended for your eyes when I originally wrote it.”  She understands.

We had no real intention of sharing our blog with S.  If you’ve been following this blog for any appreciable length of time or if you’ve simply read more than a handful of posts, you know that discretion is vital to us, and that we aren’t the kind of people who throw caution to the wind.  In a perfect world throwing caution to the wind would be an option, without any real consequences.  But this is simply not the case.  We tend to be very careful about showing our blog to people who know us in so-called “real life”, i.e. those who have met us in person, because it’s filled with enough evidence of our salacious doings to ruin my wife’s career and have severe repercussions on her social circle as well.  Despite the fact that Jill and I are very attracted to S and vice versa, despite the fact that we’ve talked extensively about having sex with her in virtually every conceivable variation, despite the fact that I’ve known her for twenty-five years and that there is a measure of real trust between us that doesn’t even exist between M and I, it wasn’t something we planned to do.

For one thing, we weren’t sure she really wanted to see it.  Yes, she asked for the URL pretty much as soon as she knew the blog existed.  But we resisted less for our protection as for her own.  After all, some things, once seen, cannot be unseen.  Pictures of my cock can be found throughout this blog.  However, so can pictures of my belly.  (Hey, I’m working on it.)  Hell, there’s video of me ejaculating here.  Of Jill too.  This is a venue for us to be almost completely honest.  We may not show our faces, and we may spare you some of the more mundane details of our non-sexual life, but this is really who we are.  That couple on Facebook who happen to look just like us, but who keep it PG, rarely curse, and tend to downplay the fact that they even have a sex life?  That’s not us.  That’s a very sanitized, suitable-for-mass-audiences look at who we would be if we were characters on Leave it to Beaver.  Some people wouldn’t be able to handle the real us, and undoubtedly prefer us in our censored versions.

Therefore, even with the discretion factor taken off the table, it’s probably prudent to retain some measure of control over who is exposed to what.  Additionally, I like to preserve a sense of mystery, especially when I’m flirting with someone I’m unlikely to ever actually fuck.  There’s something exciting about withholding information, in a manner of speaking.  About keeping someone guessing, and thereby keeping them interested.  Which is not to say that giving S our blog URL would have killed the attraction, or rendered flirting with us obsolete.  Far from it.  It’s just that it’s not in my nature to overshare in this fashion, at least not with someone I know personally, unless I’m really sure they want it.  Years of maintaining an adult blog and a naughty Twitter account have conditioned me to be a bit more disciplined about what I share and with which audience.  Hell, our sometime bedroom guest star M was made aware of our blog almost two years into the sexual component of our relationship, after much deliberation by Jill and I.  The web address was never shared.  (Granted, she never asked for it.)

In that case, it’s not an issue of trust.  We trust M deeply.  But she doesn’t seem the sort who’d care much for reading our TMI Tuesday answers, or getting our thoughts on some random sexual topic.  Chances are it’s something we’ve already discussed anyway.  At any rate, she undoubtedly lacks the time to dedicate to regular blog-reading.  And if she wanted to, she would have asked.  Would we have given it to her?  Maybe.  But I can’t imagine she feels the need to read about the time we had an awesome threesome after a bar meet-up for Valentine’s Day because she was there.  She lived it.

So why the reluctance in sharing our blog with S?  I’m not sure.  Given the trust that exists between us, and the knowledge that she’d be turned on by pretty much all of it, it does admittedly seem a natural thing to do.  I like knowing that the attraction we feel for her is mutual.  I like knowing that she thinks of us in the middle of the night when she can’t sleep – something she divulged earlier this week.  I like knowing that she fantasizes about Jill and I when she and her husband are having sex.  I like knowing the specific ins and outs (no pun intended) of her fantasies.  I like knowing that she wants to suck my cock, that she’d let me fuck her in a heartbeat, that she’s given as much thought to what that would be like as I have, if not more.  I guess on some level I just worried, admittedly without basis, that such an overshare might mitigate her feelings.

In the end, I gave her a standard-sounding warning that the blog is far more explicit than anything she’d seen from us thusfar, and a trio of conditions to which she eagerly agreed.  First, I told her, perhaps redundantly, that everything in the blog stays between the three of us.  That means that the husband who doesn’t know we exist can’t stumble upon the blog in her browser history.  That also means that certain high school classmates who have appeared in our blog must never find out that she’s read of our exploits together.  Second, I told her that I wanted to discuss it with her.  In the event that she comes across something she really likes or doesn’t like, I asked her to let me know about it, and give me feedback.  Third, related to the previous, if she ever finds herself so turned on by something she’s read or seen on our blog that she has to get herself off, I’d like to know that as well.  But that’s less due to our need for discretion and more due to the fact that I want to hear all about her masturbating to a sexy picture or piece of writing we’ve posted.  Or maybe watch her.

It felt pretty good to share the blog with someone I know well, someone with whom we are close.  In the past, friends have had the URL, and would in fact visit frequently.  But this was back when the blog consisted mainly of random sexual musings and fantasies, i.e. things that could be easily disavowed if someone tried to use it against us.  Photos are more difficult to disavow.  I’m guessing that everyone who followed our blog in its early days gave up on it during the thirteen-month hiatus we took between 2010 and 2011.  However, since returning from said hiatus, our writing – mine in particular – has improved.  I am proud of this blog, because while I have been writing since childhood, few have ever read the bulk of what I’ve written.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say that while I really enjoy my non-blog writing, it’s not as good as this because I am not as passionate about it as I am about sex.  This blog has been read by hundreds if not thousands of people, but most of those who know me in so-called “real life” will never read any of it.

So it seems we’ve got a new reader, which is fortuitous since I’m guessing our recent silence has killed off a sizable chunk of our readership.  Anyway, there’s a good chance that S will read this.  If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to address her now.

Hello, beautiful.  We want you.

Anyway, we’ll keep you all posted regarding any developments!

When it comes to non-monogamy, 2012 kicked 2013’s ass up and down the proverbial block.  For us, at least.  While last year included more than a few threesomes, including one on this very date, in 2013 such activity has occurred at a much more sporadic pace than either of us would like.
 
Or maybe it hasn’t occurred with any less frequency than it did last year – not that it really occurred frequently – but 2013 certainly feels lacking in the non-monogamy department.  That may be because, due to a number of developments, neither Jill nor I were quite as able (or indeed as determined) to make sexy connections with others as we were in 2012.

One thing is certain, though:  2013 included a hell of a lot of planned meetings that, for one reason or another, simply didn’t materialize.  And while such missed connections are unavoidable when you seek to play with others, it can obviously be frustrating when all you experience are cancellations and changes of plans.

There was the time we took a trip that happened to land us not five miles from the home of a sexy friend we both fancied.  The three of us looked forward to finally meeting after a couple years of online-only interaction.  Sex wasn’t necessarily on the agenda, though neither of us would have complained if it was, and indeed the steamy conversations this friend often had with Jill made it seem possible if not likely.  As my wife does treasure the experience of intimacy with another woman, she was excited, though I must again state that there was no expectation of sex.

Unfortunately, for whatever reason – it wasn’t made clear at the time, nor since – our friend found herself unable to meet.  There may have been some sort of transportation issue that prevented her from being able to come hang out, or it may have been something else.  It was frustrating for both of us; having the excitement of an long-awaited meeting suddenly snuffed out can cause doubt and anxiety.  This is particularly true of Jill, who felt rejected.  At times like this it is vital to remind oneself that such rejection is not necessarily personal, but that is often easier said than done.

We planned a big family trip last summer.  We informed some of our Twitter and blogging friends who live in the areas we planned to visit in the hopes of adding to our “online friends we’ve actually met in the flesh” list, and hopefully our “online friends with whom we’ve had sex” list as well.  This time we were the ones forced to back out when our trip was completely changed at essentially the last minute.

The change was completely out of our hands, and indeed the trip we ended up taking was far less spectacular than the one we’d planned.  Still, we felt terrible about cancelling.  The people we hoped to meet were very understanding, but it took awhile before either Jill or I were able to interact with them without the sort of awkward remorse you feel months after you’ve stepped on someone’s foot at a crowded party and made them spill their drink all over themselves.

Finally, a couple with whom we’d interacted frequently had asked if we were interested in getting together last month.  They were hoping for general group stuff, though the husband wanted to have a threesome with his wife and Jill.  Needless to say, we were interested, and we blocked off the proposed weekend in our calendars and arranged childcare.  Fortunately the other couple cancelled well before we’d booked a flight or a hotel.

We knew that it wasn’t us; the other couple had a personal situation which caused them to re-prioritize and essentially take a step back from the scene.  Still, it was disappointing to come so close yet again, especially considering that, for a few months, this weekend getaway was an oasis in the middle of the dessert if you will, or a light at the end of the tunnel.  For me, the occasional break in the seemingly endless sea of monogamy is important.  Not having such a break, or perhaps worse missing out on an expected break, takes its toll.

Things are not as bleak as you might think, however.  I’ve been perusing OKCupid more intensively than I have at any point since joining the popular dating site.  I’m not sure whether I’ll do more than just browse at this point; I’ve made a short list of prospects who are relatively close geographically, aren’t looking for a serious commitment or for single men, and who appeal to me physically and mentally, but obviously I’m not going to initiate contact unless I’m certain it’s what Jill wants me to do.

I’ve also struck up a friendship with a pretty young cashier at our local Barnes & Noble.  We’ll call this person “B”, as in “Bookstore”.  She’s poly, in a relationship, and has expressed her attraction to me.  Providing Jill gives her consent, sex with B is pretty much a given.  B is also interested in hooking up with Jill and I together, though I get the impression that threesomes aren’t her primary focus.  Oddly, when we first started talking in August, nervousness got the better of me and I declined to call her when I said I would.  After more than a month I’d written her off, but she recently texted me out of the blue.  Seems like we’re still friends at the very least.  We’ll see.  

Perhaps most promisingly, a friend with whom I went to high school has expressed her interest in both Jill and I.  We’ll call this person “S”, because unless I’m mistaken we haven’t used that initial to represent anyone thusfar.  S is someone I’ve long felt attraction to, and after a few tentative stabs at flirtation on Facebook, she and I had a very frank discussion about non-monogamy and discovered in each other a free-spirited, unrestrained sexuality that neither suspected.  For the last month or so, the three of us have been discussing the possibilities that might arise from a meeting.

Of course, much like everyone we’d like to play with, S isn’t local.  But the thought of having a threesome with her and Jill (her favorite scenario to discuss in IM conversations and the like) is very appealing, and I can see us taking a few days and paying her a visit.  Stay tuned.

Of late, I find that Twitter no longer gives me what I need to get me through my day.  The spontaneous flirtation and sexy chat quotient is way down compared to six months ago.  It’s my own fault, of course.  I shouldn’t have disappeared for a month and a half.  During that time my followers decreased, though not significantly.  More importantly, more tragically, the amount of interactions I enjoyed with sexy people also dropped.

Continuing to tweet rather than taking a break wasn’t an option.  Had I not logged out on my computer, not removed the app from my phone, I know that the many obligations, professional and otherwise, that dogged my every step throughout September, would have gone unfulfilled, and the stress would have taken a very unfortunate toll on me.  Understand what I’m telling you:  I’m such a hopeless Twitter junkie that I had to actually uninstall the Twitter app from my phone.

On some level, I knew that a decrease in the amount of pervy interactions I enjoyed with sexy people was inevitable in the wake of my hiatus.  I wish I didn’t require these interactions to equalize the toll that being a stay-at-home parent takes on me.  But I do.  And it does.  Make no mistake, I love my daughter.  She never fails to make me smile, even when she’s acting out, refusing to sleep, or throwing a tantrum in public.  Because even at the worst of times, even when she is challenging me in ways I can’t abide, I realize that Jill and I made her.  She is a part of us.

But being a stay-at-home dad has taken its toll.  I am physically and mentally exhausted, much more in need of sleep now than I was a year ago when I would regularly stay up until two or three o’clock in the morning writing and editing blog posts or commenting on the blog posts of others.  This could be due to the fact that my daughter is much more active now, and as a result I must also be.  She talks more.  She thinks more.  She asks more questions.  I’m proud of her for all of these things.  But I need a break.

On the other hand, perhaps my fatigue is tied directly into the fact that I’m interacting with others less than I was.  The thought of waking to a flattering blog comment or a sexy tweet was all the motivation I needed.  I could happily get four hours of sleep on any given night with the understanding that I’d be talking dirty to some fellow sexy blogger or trading naughty tweets once I woke.  These days I sleep a lot more – I average six or seven hours per night – but the odds of having a sexy conversation to take the edge off my day are slimmer than before.

So maybe it’s a lack of time and energy on my part.  I’m usually exhausted.  That comes with the territory when you’re raising a rambunctious kid and you’re determined to give her a fun and exciting childhood.  Maybe it’s a lack of interest on the part of my followers.  I can’t say I blame them if it is.  We tweet much less than we once did.  We are barely blogging.  Maybe I’m just less into the whole kink scene than I was a year ago.  Maybe we both are.  While Jill and I will never be vanilla, our prospects for non-monogamy have all but dried up.  Financial issues have made travel difficult, and these days playing locally is pretty much out of the question.

At the start of the school year we found out that one of Jill’s co-workers may have been fired for some sort of “sexual impropriety”.  It’s all rumor at this point, of course; as far as I know no one’s spoken to the fired co-worker and gotten her side of the story.  Also, I have no idea as to the nature of the supposed impropriety.  Caught at a sex club?  Extramarital affair?  Poly relationship or triad?  Something to do with a minor?  Horse-fucking?  Obviously as long as it doesn’t involve a party that is unable or unwilling to give consent, I don’t consider it an offense worthy of termination.

That said, my wife is a teacher.  She works with young children.  Because of this, different standards apply to her than to medical professionals, carpenters, supermarket clerks, and bus drivers.  I don’t know if the rumors about this person’s termination are true, nor do I know where they originated.  For all I know, the person just moved away and all the whispered rumormongering is born of paranoia or sex-negativity.

Anyway, that’s probably a big part of the reason why Jill hasn’t tweeted of late.  That’s also part of the reason why our prospects have dried up.  That’s also part of the reason why I rely so extensively on my online interactions with others.  I can get off using Kik, Twitter, Skype, or a number of other avenues that don’t require face-to-face contact.  It’s not ideal, but in a pinch it’ll do just fine.  We’ve got nothing planned with others in the near future, and I would definitely consider that a pinch.

As a guy who grows increasingly uncomfortable with monogamy, this is a problem for me.  I need the promise of regular non-monogamy to be content.  I need the sight of another pair of breasts, another willing mouth, another available orifice, on the horizon.  That’s just the way I am.

My preference is to play alongside my wife.  We’re a team, after all, and we work well together.  That’s why threesomes – preferably with sexy bi-ladies – are so ideal.  We invariably both come away from the experience very satisfied as we’ve had our sexual needs met, and together we meet the sexual needs of another.  But I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.  Jill has a sudden aversion to playing locally, i.e. with people from our own area.  This is understandable considering the situation.  Were our sexual proclivities to become a matter of public record she would certainly lose her job and find herself blacklisted from getting another in her chosen field.

Whether she gets past her aversion in a couple weeks, six months, or never doesn’t matter to me.  Right now it’s a very real barrier, and something I must respect out of love for my wife.  At any rate, she doesn’t seem to be as conflicted about it as I am.  She’s of the mind that if something comes along, and the circumstances allow, great.  If it doesn’t, also great.  She enjoys playing with others, but she doesn’t require it the way I do.

We’ve discussed me playing alone, since the need is much more pressing for me than it is for her.  For whatever reason I’m having trouble with it.  There’s risk involved, of course, as Jill’s local social network is vast.  In the event that I was seen at a bar schmoozing a woman who is not my wife, her relatives, friends, and co-workers would be unwilling to consider that we’ve got an open relationship.  And while this wouldn’t affect Jill’s and my relationship, it would definitely affect Jill’s relationship with whoever saw me.

Some of these people have intimated that they suspect I’m a womanizer with the potential for cheating.  I’m okay with this.  I have no intention of subjugating my will to the expectations of unqualified others.  That said, I have every intention of sparing my wife the embarrassment that would result from the discovery that her husband likes having sex with other women.  In the interest of maintaining the illusion, one of her two rules is “Be discreet”.  The other is “Be safe”.  She’s such an amazing wife.

I’m not sure why I can’t just take yes for an answer.  Maybe I’m afraid that this isn’t really what she wants, that she’s capitulating under duress.  She insists that she’s not, and trust me, she’d say so if she was.  In fact, she wouldn’t capitulate.  Jill is not the sort to capitulate under any circumstances.  Compromise, yes.  Capitulate, no.

So why am I having so much trouble proceeding?  Anyone as preoccupied with non-monogamy as I am would have gone for it long ago.  But I am also aware that my wife was raised to believe in monogamy, and while she’s had fun with our handful of very gratifying non-monogamous experiences and would certainly like to have more, she would probably shed no tears if such a thing never happened again.

I guess I’ve brainstormed enough for one day.  Now I believe I will take my child to the park while the sun is out and the sky is blue.  And if any of the single and stay-at-home moms who happen to be there catch my eye, I may strike up a conversation.

– Jack

…and I suppose that we owe all of you – if anyone’s still reading – an explanation as to our whereabouts.  First off, this isn’t like that time we disappeared for more than a year.  Back then we had no Twitter accounts, and were essentially unreachable.  I assume that those of you who followed our blog back then figured that we’d run off and joined a commune or something.  This time, however, we’ve generally been active on Twitter, and were also reachable via email and Kik during our blogging hiatus.

Our blog went quiet in June.  Granted, we weren’t blogging much during the first six months of the year.  But in June we stopped blogging.  It was announced by Google that all adult blogs that were monetized – that is, for profit – would be deleted without warning.  The rumor was that Google was actually planning to delete all adult blogs, regardless of whether they were monetized.  Terrified by the prospect of losing five years of writing and erotic photography, we immediately exported this blog to WordPress.  We’d had a good run at Blogger, but no way in hell did we want to see our sexy legacy unceremoniously trashed.

Our new blog opened shortly thereafter.  We opted not to self-host, setting up a rudimentary home through WordPress itself until we had a chance to work out the logistics, financial and otherwise, of having our own domain.  Time was also an issue; we spent most of July traveling and were unable to focus properly on self-hosting.  However, shortly after our WordPress blog was up and running they announced that, like Blogger, they would also be shuttering non-self-hosted adult blogs.

Are you fucking kidding me?

We were about to embark on a cruise when this announcement was made.  With little choice, both of our blogs were quickly made invitation-only until we could return home and figure out what to do with them.  Sure, self-hosting is a popular option.  But we had published less than fifteen posts since the first of the year.  Was it really worth it to drop in upwards of a hundred bucks for a couple years of hosting for a blog we weren’t even sure if we still wanted?

We didn’t have time to address the situation before the end of our summer break, and by late August I had even stepped away from Twitter due to a number of obligations both foreseen and unforeseen.  Most elective activities took a backseat to real life, which was suddenly racing by at a breakneck pace.  With the number of things that required my immediate attention, blogging was unfortunately less than an afterthought.

One thing I did notice during this time was the vast number of adult blogs Google hadn’t deleted.  Many of our blogging friends remained at their original Blogger homes.  This made it clear to us that, at least for now, for-profit blogs were the only ones being deleted.  We’d received many requests for invitations, so a week ago we decided to make our blog public once again.  And here we are.

So welcome back, if you’re a returning reader.  If this is your first visit, thanks for stopping by.  We hope you enjoy what you find here.

– Jack