We’ve all been there: You’re talking to a sexy female friend and things are getting steamy. Doesn’t matter whether you’re texting, instant-messaging, speaking over the phone, or standing face-to-face as you’re stripping off each other’s clothes in a fit of fevered passion. Everything she says – or types – is tantalizing and erotic, and with each word your arousal builds until it reaches an intense, shattering crescendo. Or until she says something so off-putting that you consider just hanging up, walking out, or smashing your phone and lighting the remnants on fire (as the situation dictates).

You: I want to caress your breasts as I kiss your lips.
Her: Mmmmm yes baby. I’m so turned on right now.
You: I want to pinch your nipples between my fingers until they’re so hard.
Her: Meanwhile I’ve got your cock in my hand and I’m stroking it.
You: I want to slowly kiss my way down your neck…
Her: Can’t wait to get that big cock inside of me. I’m touching my clit for you.
You: …then over your collarbone and down to your breasts.
Her: I wish your cock was in my mouth right now. I want to swallow your cum.
You: Imagine my lips closing over your nipples, first one and then the other.
Her: I’m soaking wet right now. It’s dripping out of my crack.
You: No. Just no.

“Crack” is one of those terms that I might come across while reading internet porn purportedly written by a woman, and immediately come to the conclusion that the author is actually male, because when applied to the vagina, “crack” is a word so arguably unfeminine, so unsexy, and so downright fucking grotesque that the thought of a woman using it to refer to the most intimate part of her body is anathema to everything I have ever believed to be true about the universe.

I realize that my previous paragraph betrays my prejudices and assumptions about what I believe to be feminine and sexy.  I am far from the standard-bearer of femininity, so I’ll defer to my readership:  Do any of the ladies reading this seriously use the word “crack” to refer to their vagina?  I hope not.  No offense intended if you do.  Your usage of the word in this fashion doesn’t mean I don’t still want to fuck you.  I most certainly still do.  But when we’re deep into it, whether “it” is a sexy conversation or a sweaty round of penetrative sex, if you do say “crack” when what you mean is “vagina” – or pussy, cunt, etc. – my cock is going to retract into my body cavity like a turtle hiding from predators inside its shell.

I mean, seriously:  How weird and offensive does a term have to be in order for me to consider “cunt” more acceptable for general use?  I don’t find “cunt” particularly offensive myself, but I realize that at least in the United States, it’s a pretty loaded word, one often used by narrow-minded misogynists who’ve given up on their hopes of ever getting laid and decided instead to put women “in their place” or otherwise hurt them by hurling profanity at them.  I note that, in a list of slang terms for the vagina that I found online while researching this post, “cunt” was the only one categorized as “vulgar”.  Thus it is a word I do not use while talking dirty unless I’m sure the other party won’t take offense.  Anyway, I prefer “pussy”.

But still, “crack”? It’s a vagina. It’s soft, sweet, and fragrant.  It’s gentle and pretty.  I fail to see any resemblance between a vagina and an accidental, jagged break in glass, wood, concrete, or some other material that typically won’t yield without a strong, decisive impact. Actually, now that I think of it, that sounds kind of hot.  I’ve made many a vagina yield with a strong, decisive impact, though I wouldn’t say that I cracked it, exactly.  Once I made my exit, said vaginas resumed their pre-penetration configuration.

Once something is cracked, it’s broken, isn’t it? Imagine you’ve cracked a plate or a glass. It’s probably no longer safe to use at that point, and it’s certainly not going back the way it was without Superglue. Even then, it’s never going to be the same, and you should probably just toss it and get another one.  And that’s not to say that I in any way consider women disposable after I’ve fucked them. Far from it. I hope that my writing and tweets up to this point have made clear that I have nothing but respect for women in general.  That’s probably why I don’t believe “crack” to be the best choice of word to describe the vagina.  Certainly not the sexiest or most flattering, anyway.

Is it any worse than the multitude of terms that people (read: men) sometimes use to refer to the vagina, such as “snatch”, “muff”, or “beaver”? Is it worse than such awkwardly inoffensive expressions as “hoo-hoo”, “flower”, or “kitty”? Or such frankly ridiculous gems as “vertical smile”, “bearded clam”, or “beef curtains”? Seriously – what the fuck, people?  Is the pre-requisite for inventing sex-related slang terminology being thirteen years old and aspiring to the maturity level of an overgrown frat boy who refuses to graduate college lest he have to get a real job?  Anyway, I don’t know if “crack” is worse than any of these, really. It just turns me off.

Let’s be honest:  “Crack” isn’t even sexy when we use in the only acceptable fashion that relates to the human body, i.e. to describe the cleft in someone’s ass.  When someone hears the expressions “butt crack”, “ass crack”, or “the crack of [one’s] ass”, they immediately think of the plumber who came to fix their toilet that one time and left his belt at home.  In fact, “plumber’s crack” is an expression used to describe the phenomenon of somebody – usually male – whose pants won’t stay all the way up.

For me, though, when I hear “crack” I think of Dan Aykroyd in that “Nerds” sketch that aired on Saturday Night Live in 1978. If we’re talking, texting, instant messaging, or whatever, and you refer to your vagina as a crack, I’m going to picture Aykroyd working on the old Norge while Bill Murray and Gilda Radner laugh uproariously behind his back.

I should mention that I’ve always been turned off by “slit” as well. To me, a slit is a violent offensive maneuver performed against someone’s throat in a horror movie. For years, it ranked right alongside such utterly ghastly terms as “gash” and, yes, “crack”.  To some extent, it still does.  Still, in spite of every instinct I possess there have been instances wherein I’ve managed to be turned on when a woman has used it while talking dirty to me.  Understand that I was turned on despite the fact that the term was used, not because of it.  “Slit” is far from my favorite slang term for the vagina, but I suppose that a woman using the term for herself, owning it even, and showing that she’s turned on by it, gives me permission to be turned on as well.  While a guy using such a shitty expression to refer to a woman’s vagina, or to a woman, would have me rolling my eyes, unfriending him on Facebook, or checking his criminal record, I find it slightly less off-putting when a woman says it.

But “crack”? Never gonna happen. Ha. Butt crack.

Hello. Welcome to another TMI Tuesday where we…

Ponder THIS , Ponder THAT

Jack’s Answers

1. My _____ is so beautiful it should be in a museum but my _____ probably belongs in a pawn shop.
Face; body? I’m not really sure what to use for that second blank. I do believe I’m a handsome guy and so I stand by “face”, but over the last few years that we’ve been blogging and tweeting, enjoying the input of wonderful, supportive individuals, I’ve come to believe that nothing about myself should be relegated to a pawn shop. I chose “body” for the second blank because I could definitely stand to lose about forty pounds. But I doubt I actually will, and I’m guessing most of the women with whom I interact (and quite a few of the men) will still think I’m hot. Yeah, that probably sounds really egotistical, but all of you give me so much confidence. Thank you for that.

2. I would most like to take a class in _____ .
a fun but picturesque European location where the cost of living is low, attitudes about sex are more relaxed than here in the States, and food and alcohol are delicious and plentiful. And cheap. See what I did there? You thought I was going to name a subject or discipline, and instead I gave you a rough geographic location. That’s me, though, always keeping you guessing.

3. Excluding people or pets, what is your most prized possession?
Hard to say. I’ve got lots of stuff, from clothing to movie memorabilia to books, as well as tech that I use on a daily basis including but not limited to my laptop, my tablet, and various network paraphernalia. I’ve got one-of-a-kind items that I made, or that my daughter made, which can never be replaced. I’ve got photographs, and not just hard copies but hard drives full of digital files. I’m not sure I can cite one single possession that I value above all else. So when Gleeglops the Destroyer invades Earth and allows the survivors of his massacre one single keepsake to bring with them when they embark on a life of forced servitude in the toxic chizzleberry mines of Neptune, I’ll either tell him I’m good with just the clothing on my back, or else disappear into the underground and join the resistance.

4. Which of the following best describes the type of person to whom you are attracted?
a. Sexy
b. Sophisticated
c. Sweet n innocent
d. Female.

5. What is the first thing you do when you get home from work?
I’m a stay-at-home Dad. My work day never ends. That being said, once I walk back into the house and I’m in for the night, I’d love to be able to say that the first thing I do is masturbate, but it isn’t. If I was smart I’d immediately take out my contacts and put on glasses, or even just lie down for fifteen minutes to decompress while my daughter keeps herself busy with a book or some toys. But generally speaking on the average day the first thing I need to do when I walk in is cook. It’s usually between twelve and one PM, and I need to make lunch. I’m not a fast food guy, nor a toss-some-chicken-nuggets-in-the-oven guy, certainly not when it comes to my daughter. So I do my best to come up with something tasty, nutritious, and interesting that she can convert into energy for a few hours of non-stop playing time when all I want to do is nap.

6. What is the last foolish thing you did with someone else?
Conceived a child.

Bonus: Cucumber or zucchini?
Lightly sauteed or grilled? Zucchini. Pickled and served with a sandwich? Cucumber. Raw? Neither.

Jill’s Answers

1. My _____ is so beautiful it should be in a museum but my _____ probably belongs in a pawn shop.
eyes; hair. Make no mistake, I love my hair and I would hate to part with it. But I am so well-known for it, and I get so many compliments on it (a third we met for the first time in a public place once identified us based on my often-photographed hair) that I imagine I’d get a lot of money for it.

2. I would most like to take a class in _____ .
pole dancing. I’m probably saying that because I’ve just returned from a shopping trip with a friend who takes pole dancing and won’t shut up about it.

3. Excluding people or pets, what is your most prized possession?
I’m not big on possessions. I have far less in the way of material things than Jack does, and I honestly don’t care if it all burns as long as my family and I get out of the house safely. Maybe the wedding album that Jack made for me. That was a labor of love, and very much something that I enjoy owning.

4. Which of the following best describes the type of person to whom you are attracted?
a. Sexy
b. Sophisticated
c. Sweet n innocent
Definitely sexy, followed closely by sophisticated. Not sweet and innocent, though. Not sure what it says about me, exactly, but I’ve never really been into that type. I think I prefer my men to be more experienced and take-charge, though I have been known to take charge when absolutely necessary.

5. What is the first thing you do when you get home from work?
As long as we don’t have company, I take off my pants. That, or I kiss everyone hello. Actually it’s probably more likely that I take off my pants before I kiss everyone hello, like as soon as the door shuts behind me. If we have company, like Jack’s parents, I kiss everyone hello, then go into our room and hang out without pants for awhile.

6. What is the last foolish thing you did with someone else?
Instead of doing one single experiment with one half of my classroom at a time, I chose to do three separate experiments, one after the other, with all thirty kids each time. For some reason I didn’t predict the utter chaos (and the complete mess) that broke out in my classroom. Kids were running around like maniacs. Some were crying. There was paint and glue everywhere. By the time the kids left, my classroom looked like a tornado had hit it. One table was covered in watercolor which I had to spend my lunch scrubbing off. Another table was covered in dried glue which I had to scrape off when that was done. And one student was still hysterical as he left because he hadn’t gotten a chance to finish. Definitely not a typical morning.

Bonus: Cucumber or zucchini?
I prefer zucchini. Cucumber tends to be too mushy unless it’s the English variety.  I like the firmness of a nice zucchini and can eat it raw or grilled, but cucumber has to be marinated in a Greek salad or else pickled if I’m going to enjoy it.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Our good friend (and constant lust object) Beck has nominated us for this award.  As is always the case when we receive such a nomination, we are honored to learn that someone we admire and desire in pretty much equal measure thinks so highly of our blog, and presumably of us as well. If you’d told us when we started this blog more than six years ago that we’d eventually find such a wonderful social network of erotic writers, kinksters, non-monogamists, and all-around sexy people, we wouldn’t have believed it; while we were quite prolific in the early days we had no idea how to go about publicizing our blog. So simply knowing that some of our peers hold us in such high regard all these years later is a thrill.

Our nomination for the Real Neat Blog Award comes with several questions that I have answered below. In addition I am nominating several bloggers who we ourselves hold in high regard; if they decide to participate, I’ve compiled several questions for them to answer. Now, without further ado:

1. What was the reason you decided to start blogging? Has that reason changed throughout time?
We originally started blogging in September 2008 with the intention of keeping a record of our sexual life together (and separately), as well as find like-minded individuals with whom we could talk about sex, and maybe fool around. That was where our minds were at in the beginning. Among the reasons we continue to blog as of May 2015 is that we (I especially) have a lot to say and really enjoy having a forum in which to do so, even if our readership seems more limited these days than it was in our blogging heyday of 2012. Also, we’ve found many like-minded individuals with whom we can talk about sex, and blogging serves as a means of keeping in touch, especially with those who do not tweet. Additionally, early this year we paid for two years of blog hosting, and we might as well protect our investment by continuing to use our blog.

2. Are there other bloggers whose work has given you inspiration? If so, share with us the blog and their post that gave you inspiration.
There certainly are. Many, however, are no longer active or otherwise blog very infrequently. Does anyone remember Lusting Lola, Cougar in Training, Hera, Good Will, or Tame in Comparison? They were among our first real blogging friends, and between the five they’ve published only eleven posts in the past twelve months. As for still-active bloggers who inspire us, I couldn’t possibly pick one single blogger, let alone one single post.  But Molly, Cheeky Minx, and Penny are amazing photographers (and writers), and I often find myself wishing I had their talent.  (They’re also hot.)

3. If there was one question you could ask your favorite blogger what would it be?
“Want to have sex with me?” Don’t pretend you didn’t see that coming.

4. Did you ever see yourself as a ______ blogger? (The blank is for whatever label you give your blog. Sex, kink, dating, etc.)
We consider ours a sex blog. So did I ever see myself as a sex blogger? No, not really.  I always thought of myself as someone who’d do all the sexual things that appealed rather than writing about them.  And while I now realize that one doesn’t have to choose, I never really considered myself a blogger at all, until I actually began blogging. This is because I fancy myself a writer, and I could never fathom spending time writing a blog when I could have been using that time to work on whatever my ongoing writing project – or projects – happened to be, whether screenplays, short stories, novels, or something else. The irony, of course, is that while I’ve been writing for the majority of my life, more people have read this blog than anything else I’ve ever written.

5. What website on the entire web, besides your own, do you spend the most time on?
Probably Twitter. I like the instant access Twitter gives me to a wide knowledge base, as well as the unflinching honesty. Few people in my day-to-day life know that I am non-monogamous and poly, or that I am an atheist, or that I suffer from depression. I can’t help but feel like I’d be judged for any and all of these things by people who expect me to be monogamous, Catholic, and mentally stable. So I keep these things very close to the vest. On Twitter, though, I feel comfortable being myself, and hide very little. It’s very freeing.

6. Gotta ask one toy question. Name your absolute favorite sex toy. (More than one is fine.)
I don’t use toys often, not even on Jill. I’m not sure why; it’s just as hot to use one of her many toys on her as it is to watch her do it herself.  Actually, the question didn’t ask which was my favorite sex toy to use. It just asked which one was my favorite. So I think I’ll go with the Eroscillator, which I bought Jill as a Christmas present in 2006 and which, almost a decade later, is still her favorite toy. We love it because of the variety of attachments, the ease of use during sex, i.e. it’s not difficult to place between our bodies; and the very long AC power cord which ensured that during the years when she and I lived apart, as long as there was a power outlet she wouldn’t have to go to bed – or to work – without an orgasm.

7. Last one is just for fun. Who is your favorite superhero and why?
I’m going to go with Wolverine. Not sure why, really. I think I just like his near-invulnerability. If I was that short and that hirsute – because I’m totally neither one of those things – I think I’d still be really confident if I knew that nothing short of suffocation in hardening Adamantium could kill me. (What can I say, I’m a guy who knows his superheroes.)

Nominations:

Beginning My New life as a Housewife and Erotic Writer

Bi Likes Sci Fi

Charlie in the Pool

Collared Mom

Knock on Wood

The Rambling Llama

Rebel’s Notes

Sincerely Yours…

Questions for the above bloggers:

1. How would you categorize your blog? Or does it defy categorization?

2. What is the single greatest benefit that blogging provides you?

3. Have you experienced any negativity as a direct result of blogging? If so, what is it and how did you overcome it?

4. Do you use a free blogging service such as WordPress or Blogger, or do you self-host? Why?

5. Do you blog anonymously, or are your family and offline friends aware of your blog?

6. How would you describe your writing process? Exactly how do you come up with subject matter and compose your posts?

7. What’s the last movie you watched?

 

Just a follow-up from our Sinful Sunday post of two weeks ago.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

There’s a sex-positive boutique and cafe in San Francisco that holds a kinky Doctor Who meetup once a month. As a kinky Whovian, I’ve been wanting to attend for a few months. I first heard about the event in January and considered going as far back as the February meetup, but thusfar the date has always conflicted with a prior obligation. Beyond that, there’s the fact that we have a young child, and little in the way of Sunday-afternoon babysitting options.

This month, though, I was planning to be bar-hopping in the City with a friend on the day of the meetup, and I figured I might try to check it out as long as I was already in the area. In other words, I probably wouldn’t have made a special trip just for this event. Jill and I don’t actually live in San Francisco; it’s a bit of a drive, and parking is usually a pain in the ass. I could take BART, but being all boring and suburban I’m not much for public transportation.

However, it was for that very reason that I found myself determined to go to this meetup. My day-to-day life involves preschool and ballet classes, as well as public parks and libraries. It involves making nutritious lunches for my daughter, reading stories, and playing board games. The most adventurous thing I do on a daily basis is work out, and obviously that’s not very adventurous at all. So I really felt like I needed to step outside of my comfort zone.

My friend and I hit a couple bars within walking distance of one another, watching a playoff basketball game between sips of local craft beer. We grabbed a quick lunch at a park where some food trucks were gathered, and drank some more while watching the end of the game on a conveniently-located television. From there, we walked to the meetup venue. I wasn’t sure what to expect from a gathering of kinky Doctor Who fans; would we all whip out our sonic screwdrivers and compare length? Would we discuss recent Doctor Who-related porn films? Doctor Who as a metaphor for polyamory? Captain Jack/Mickey Smith slash fiction?

The friend with whom I was hanging out has an inkling that Jill and I are kinky, though he himself isn’t. Or at least, I assume not. I don’t know whether he gets laid, really, and I can’t say for sure that he’s familiar with the various bells and whistles of human sexuality outside of what he sees in porn. He’s the kind of guy who enjoys going to strip clubs but hasn’t really dated much. When we talk about sex he does so with the candor of a fourteen-year-old boy who’s pretty sure of how it works, but isn’t really confident enough to discuss it.

But he’s not the sort whose inexperience equals misogyny; he’s socially liberal and has many friends who are women, though I imagine he’d bristle at the “feminist” label. He’s not squeamish around LGBT individuals and presumably has as many friends in that cohort as anyone. To my relief, while he isn’t kinky, neither is he the sort to be weirded out by BDSM gear and the like. Still, when he noticed two young guys licking ice cream out of dog bowls in the cafe, I could tell he knew we weren’t in Kansas anymore.

We got drinks. My friend paid, as I’d picked up the last couple rounds. Then we sat down and people-watched for awhile. There was erotic art on the walls, bondage gear on the shelves, and kinky people all around. I felt at home there as I sat, eagerly anticipating hanging out with sex-positive Whovians, discussing the show, ranking the various companions in order of fuckability – Ace McShane for the win! – and maybe even getting a phone number or two.

At four o’clock, the scheduled start time, my friend took a walk to a nearby brewery, and I moved into the back room where one of the baristas told me that the meetup was to be held. The back room was smaller than the main part of the establishment, with six smallish tables. Five of them were empty. There was no signage that I noticed, no welcome placards or posters of any kind. As I walked through the room I saw that one of the tables did in fact have a very small sign indicating that I was in the right place. I took a seat there and waited. And waited. And waited some more.

The only other person present was an older gentleman working on a laptop at an adjacent table. I couldn’t tell if he was there for the meetup, or if he just happened to be hanging out. I noticed no sign on his table, though there were signs on the other ones. The guy wasn’t wearing a Doctor Who T-shirt, didn’t have a “Whovians do it bigger on the inside” sticker on his laptop. I drank my beverage, considering for a few moments that this whole thing might have been some sort of prank on the newbie.

After twenty minutes or so, the older gentleman got up from his table and collected the signs with the name of the meetup from each of the tables, and put them away. So I guess he was the event organizer. It would have been nice if, when I sat down at one of the designated tables, he asked if I was there for the meetup. Acknowledged me. Told me that the small turnout was normal. Asked if I’d seen the new Avengers movie, since the event’s Facebook page mentioned it might be discussed.

I should mention that I had a sonic screwdriver keychain on my key ring. I’d put my keys on the table in a noticeable but not obnoxious fashion in the hopes that someone – a cute hipster with a bob-cut, maybe – would see it and strike up a conversation, because let’s face it, that’s why I was there. I don’t really want to know which incarnation of the Doctor the older gentleman with the laptop fancies. Nothing against him, of course. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and the fact that he threw together a Doctor Who gathering for kinksters means he’s good people. But I’m mainly interested in meeting, discussing Doctor Who with, and fucking, women.

But the sonic screwdriver was right there on the table. In other words, it’s not like the older gentleman would have looked at me and thought, “Oh, some idiot who stumbled in and decided to sit at the wrong table. Hey jackass, can’t you read the sign? That table’s for kinky Doctor Who fans only.” Granted, I’m assuming that he didn’t look over at the table where I was sitting and think, “Another meetup with no women. Just some guy. Fuck this shit. I’m out of here.” You know, kind of like I might have done. But if that’s not what he was thinking, he should have said something. Anything. Yeah, I’m basically a walking support system for a hard-on, but I’m approachable to pretty much anybody.

I waited until half past four, and then I reluctantly got out of there. On the way, I browsed the kinky bookshelves and actually noticed a couple books I wouldn’t mind getting for our own kinky bookshelves at home. Still, I can’t see myself returning for the next meetup. Perhaps for a different event, but even then, it seems unlikely. I wish there was a place like this in our quiet but bustling suburb, a place ten minutes away, max. A place where I don’t have to get on BART or spend forty minutes looking for parking just to find out that no one else showed up. We’ve got a thriving Downtown that could really stand an establishment like this one, where consenting adults can have coffee while browsing cock cages and floggers, or eat lunch in the shadow of a Saint Andrew’s Cross.

Still, I don’t see it happening. Our little city has a few adult stores, but they all fit the standard paradigm of the seedy porn-and-toy shop where one goes to rent videos or browse toys while avoiding eye contact with staff and raincoat-clad patrons and definitely not inquiring whether that one particular vibrator is phthalate-free. The kind of place where, if you happen to run into an acquaintance, you each hope the other didn’t see you, and you sure as hell don’t bring it up at the church picnic. You don’t hang out there and drink an espresso. You get in and you get the fuck out. True sex-positivity, in the suburbs? Probably not in my lifetime.

The meetup was a disappointment, but I made the most of the afternoon by catching up with my friend and a couple of his friends at the brewery. The place was far less kinky than the other venue, but at least the beer was good.

First TMI Tuesday for the Month of May.

Jack’s Answers

1. How long have you been blogging?
Frisky in the 916 represents my first venture into the blogosphere, though it’s far from my only one. We published our first post on September 18, 2008, which means we’ve been blogging more than six and a half years.

2. Tell us about your pen name? Is it a pen name?
Since we couldn’t blog under our real names, Jill and I needed alternate personalities to use online. We chose Jack and Jill not necessarily because of the masturbatory overtones, i.e. jacking off and jilling off, but because they were the first pair of associated male and female names that came to mind. Had our minds been elsewhere, we might have been Mickey and Minnie, Luke and Leia, or even Sheherazade and Shahryar.

3. What is your blog about?
Here at Frisky in the 916 we pride ourselves on delivering you breaking news from the tech industry as soon as it breaks. So, you know, technology, startups, and all the hot new gadgets, plus all the latest out of Cupertino. As if you couldn’t tell with a casual glance around the place.

4. Do you earn any money with your blog?
No. Between 2012 and 2013, I believe, we published a handful of sponsored posts on behalf of a certain adult retail website. In exchange, we received credit toward merchandise at said adult retail website and used it to purchase a few items. In 2013, after a series of bizarre moves on the part of the site’s management, we bailed, leaving more than a few dollars of earned credit unspent. It’s just as well; by then they’d implemented a new policy preventing bloggers from using that credit for 100 percent of a purchase. In other words, no matter how many sponsored posts you’d published, you still had to come out of pocket for that Tantus Raptor XL, or whatever. Anyway, we removed most if not all references to said retailer from our blog and unfollowed them on Twitter, because fuck those guys.

5. What inspired you to blog?
As we’ve mentioned elsewhere, we had always wanted a venue to discuss our sexual thoughts and fantasies, and to talk about the sex we’ve actually had. In short, we just wanted a forum to share this side of ourselves as it’s not something we could do in mixed company; most of our friends are far more sexually conservative than we are, at least publicly. Therefore it’s nice to have at the very least a means of communicating about sex, as well as a permanent record of our evolving views and boundaries. Beyond that, the thought of perhaps finding a coterie of like-minded friends – something we never thought possible – was appealing as well.

6. What keeps you blogging?
It’s funny you should ask. Between July of 2010 and August of 2011, our blog went dark. We published absolutely nothing for thirteen months. Among the reasons for this were the fact that we were adjusting to parenthood, that we’d forgotten our login to our old Blogger blog, and that we’d had a threesome in fall of 2010 – our first – and accordingly I saw no real reason to keep blogging as I figured I’d achieved everything I wanted to in the sexual realm. Eventually, however, I found that I really missed having the outlet, and of course I wasn’t done growing and evolving sexually. Therefore we jumped back into blogging in a big way, and while we’ve taken breaks here and there, we keep coming back to it. I’d love to say that the sense of community is what keeps us blogging – me especially – but the truth is, most of our non-Sinful Sunday posts get few if any comments, even on Twitter. Therefore, the thing that keeps me blogging is the Sara Winchester-like sense that I’m building something with this blog, and by stopping I’m doing myself a disservice. Additionally, the lack of feedback notwithstanding, I may be doing others a disservice as well. I’ve been a writer for decades, but nothing I’ve written outside of this blog has been read by as many people the world over. It’s pretty exciting.

7. Do you have any advice for readers looking for love? Looking to get laid? Looking for a threesome?
Love yourself. Seriously, know who you are, believe in yourself, and be confident. That may seem like an oversimplification, but if you don’t love yourself no one else is going to. Know your worth as a human being, and as a sexual being as well. Don’t act like an entitled prick, but don’t act like you believe yourself to be unworthy of the attention of others. And if you want a threesome, I’m sure there are many ways to go about having one, but having the confidence and self-respect to attract the right partner – if a partner is part of your plan – will ensure that you’re not saddled with someone whose long-term life agenda corresponds to your own.

8. Did you do your kegels today? When was the last time you did them? (Men: There is no evidence that kegels prevent erectile dysfunction. Source: WebMD)
No, but I masturbated. Did you? You should! It’s Masturbation Month!

Bonus: Do you have any special sexual gifts or talents or tricks? Tell us about it.
It’s been said that I’m very good at finding the G-spot.

Jill’s Answers

1. How long have you been blogging?
Since 2008. We’d been married just over a year, and sought a means of keeping an ongoing record of our sex life that we could look back on when we were senior citizens (and hopefully still enjoying a prodigious sex life).

2. Tell us about your pen name? Is it a pen name?
Inky. Seemed like a pretty good name for a pen.

3. What is your blog about?
I’m a Mommy Blogger, and as such I focus on recipes for healthy after-school snacks, making creative scrapbooking materials out of ordinary household items, determining appropriate television options for the under-twelve crowd, and the importance of reconnecting with one’s spouse at the end of the day. Oh wait. No I don’t. I focus on sex.

4. Do you earn any money with your blog?
I wish!

5. What inspired you to blog?
The main inspiration is all of the hot, passionate sex I have with Jack, which is a very compelling thing to read about. But more specifically Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace, two friends of ours, who had maintained a sex blog years earlier, suggested blogging as a means of keeping a record of our sex life. If you were active in the sex blogosphere (or on Twitter) in early 2012 you may remember them, though there blog has been shuttered for quite some time. Though they were (and as far as we know, still are) strictly monogamous, we both wanted to fuck Mia (and still do).

6. What keeps you blogging?
The truth is, I don’t blog much anymore. I have a handful of partially-written posts that I’ve been meaning to finish, some of them going back to 2013. Some are accounts of our sexual exploits, some involve my thoughts on politics and religion (but especially religion) as they relate to human sexuality, and others involve our never-ending need for discretion as we explore our boundaries. I’m hoping to complete as many as I can, though I have no projected date. For now, if not for TMI Tuesday, you probably wouldn’t hear from me at all.

7. Do you have any advice for readers looking for love? Looking to get laid? Looking for a threesome?
Be honest about what you want out of any relationship. Don’t just be honest with a potential partner. Be honest with yourself. Know your long-term objectives, and don’t compromise or settle. If you have to compromise or otherwise give up what you want for the sake of another person, then the other person is not the right one for you. There are far worse things than being alone. Above all, be happy with yourself. Until you are happy with yourself, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. If you’re just looking to get laid, though, have some confidence. You’re presumably no worse than any other person in the world, and if everyone else is getting laid (whether with one person, or two, or several), so can you.

8. Did you do your kegels today? When was the last time you did them? (Men: There is no evidence that kegels prevent erectile dysfunction. Source: WebMD)
I do them everyday. They’re easy to do while I’m sitting at my desk in my classroom, and they really help to tighten up the pelvic floor. As a result, my orgasms are more frequent, more intense, and longer-lasting. Plus I think I’m more likely to achieve simultaneous orgasm when having sex, which occurred on Sunday night. It was so exciting.

Bonus: Do you have any special sexual gifts or talents or tricks? Tell us about it.
I’d like to think that I have lots of sexual talents. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on my oral sex technique, as well as my dirty talk. We should talk dirty sometime.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

 

 

The theme this week was “No humans”.  Per Molly, the assignment was to create a sexy or suggestive image without using the human form.  I considered capturing two animals fucking, but apparently they won’t do it on command.  So how about a sexy still life instead?

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

 

Much thanks to Sweeten Dirty for this week’s TMI Tuesday questions.

Flesh and Fantasy

Jack’s Answers

1.) What was your biggest fantasy once you discovered sexy things?
Without a doubt, my biggest fantasy has always having two (or more) women at once. It’s something of which I became aware relatively early in my sexual development, and which I always found appealing. As I have stated elsewhere on this blog, just about everything I’ve done over the course of my life, every decision I’ve made, I’ve done so with the thought of making this fantasy a reality at the forefront of my mind. “Studying a particular discipline? Choosing an apartment? Picking out a tie? Yes, every one of these decisions and countless others were made with the thought of pleasing two woman at once, and of course being pleased by them as well.” You can read more about the unlikely source of this fantasy at this link.

2.) Did you get to do said fantasy, and if so would you do it again?
I did achieve said fantasy, though I’m almost sorry to say that it didn’t happen until I was well into my thirties. I would definitely do it again, and in fact I have. Many times.

3.) Was it as good as imagined?
The first time it was better than imagined, and that’s saying a hell of a lot because it was a fantasy I’d been entertaining for more than twenty years. But our third was a very close friend, one I’d known for years and to whom I’d long been attracted. She was completely respectful of Jill’s boundaries – because I have none – and said and did everything exactly right to ensure my wife’s comfort. I don’t think I even fucked her that first time, and that was okay. In the wake of this experience, nothing really changed within our friendship; though playing together seemingly brought the three of us closer, it didn’t get weird, and even though it’s been awhile since we’ve had a threesome with her, we love hanging out in groups and knowing we’ve got this secret about which no one else knows.

4.) Describe said fantasy.
Let’s see. Me and two other women. Doesn’t matter who. Clothes being taken off. Huge empty bed suddenly taken up by the two women, whom I pleasure with hands and mouth for as long as they can stand it (or alternately one woman lies on the bed while the other woman and myself pleasure her, and then they switch). Eventually I get on the bed and they pleasure me. At some point penetrative sex occurs; ideally at one point one of the women would straddle my face while the other rides me. As it’s a fantasy I entertained for many years, there were variations as I learned more about the ins and outs (so to speak) of sex. Additionally, the location changed occasionally. As a child, I thought you had to have sex in a bed. Still, the fundamentals – making out, manual and oral sex, penetrative sex, etc. – were pretty consistent.

5.) What is your biggest fantasy now?
Honestly, probably just to meet and have sex with a bunch of our fellow bloggers and the friends we’ve made on Twitter. Like, one per month, say. That would be nice.

Bonus: Something you would NEVER do.
This is a hard question to answer, as never is pretty limiting, isn’t it? There are things I’ve done that I thought I’d never do but eventually did, including a threesome with another man. When I was younger and more insecure, that squicked me because I didn’t like the idea of sharing my partner in that fashion, nor was I necessarily comfortable being in a sexual situation in which another man was involved. The thought of the other guy being better than me, having a bigger cock than I have, or perhaps threatening my relationship, was difficult to accept. But as I’ve grown older and more secure in myself I realized it was something I could handle, and handle it I have. Though we aren’t regular practitioners of BDSM, there are certain aspects that we enjoy, and yet I can’t see myself ever trying breath play. For myself, and certainly for Jill, that’s a hard limit right now. And currently I’m not into the idea of having sex with another man; it doesn’t do anything for me, nor does it excite my wife. And I’ve given the matter some thought! I’m not just dismissing it reflexively as some men are wont to do. Still, I can’t say never to these things because who the fuck knows how I’ll feel in a year? I am relatively confident, however, that I’ll never be interested in coprophila, nor any sexual activity that involves minors or others unable or unwilling to give consent. I’m pretty sure that will never happen.

Jill’s Answers

1.) What was your biggest fantasy once you discovered sexy things?
Do I have to pick just one? Because in my formative years the two fantasies that turned me on the most were having sex in public, and having sex with two guys at once. Though I really do enjoy having sex with women, it’s more of a recent desire. Public sex somehow seemed more normal given my values and upbringing. I felt like if I was caught having sex in a public place it might embarrass my parents, but at least I was only having sex with one guy. Plus, it really satisfied my exhibitionist nature. However, the thought of having sex with two guys at once was much more taboo, and that made it so much hotter.

2.) Did you get to do said fantasy, and if so would you do it again?
Yes to both! I would definitely do either one again, though regarding public sex I am a bit more mindful of the thought of being caught and what it might do to my career. Still, yes. I totally would.

3.) Was it as good as imagined?
The first time I had sex in public, it was so exhilarating! A fuck buddy and I had gone out for a late-night walk and ended up at a local park. We went up on the play structure where we made out. We slowly sank down to the floor, and he hiked up my skirt, spread my legs, and began to finger my pussy which was by now soaking wet. He brought me right to the edge, then slowed down and slid my saturated panties off. Then he went down on me, and his lips and amazingly skilled tongue drove me to climax more than a few times in rapid succession. I moaned his name, my juices dripping down my thighs and my ass. He pulled me up to my feet and I helped him take out his cock. I would have liked to have sucked it, but at that point all either of us wanted was to fuck. He pushed me up against the railing and I put my leg up, and he fucked me hard. I stared out at the night, enjoying his strong hands on my hips, and the feel of being so full, but part of me really wanted a crowd to gather at the edge of the park, or even right below the play structure. It was really late, so I knew it wasn’t going to happen, but the thought turned me on. Eventually he lay me back down and got on top of me. I clasped my legs around his waist and put my hands on his shoulders, urging him deeper. It didn’t take him long to come. So hot! As for the threesome, it was very good, and every bit as exciting as I hoped. It just didn’t go on for as long as I would have liked.

4.) Describe said fantasy.
My sex-in-public fantasy involved me having sex in any public or semi-public place. It might have been in a storefront window, on a park bench, or the middle of class. In other words, it wasn’t behind closed doors or otherwise completely private. Usually I was having sex in full view of onlookers or at least passersby. At the very least, there had to be the possibility of being observed. But any observers were always excited by the sight. I wasn’t, and still am not, turned on by the thought of offending anyone. Ideally as the crowd watched they got turned on enough to masturbate, or have sex with a partner. As for my threesome fantasy, I just liked the thought of having two men to make out with. Two mouths and four hands all over my body. And while I was really into the idea of receiving so much pleasure, I knew that having sex with two men would really allow me to explore my submissive side. I liked the thought of getting on my knees and sucking both cocks, either one at a time or both at once, and I really loved imagining one man fucking me doggy style while the other grabbed my hair and fucked my mouth.

5.) What is your biggest fantasy now?
As with my first answer, I can’t exactly narrow it down to one. I have a few male friends who I’d really like to have sex with. I describe three of them in this post, though there are more than just three. I enjoy fantasizing about these men because, like Jack, I really like variety, and it is unlikely that any of these guys’ wives would give them permission to sleep with me. However, there are a couple single guys among my fantasy pool. As for another fantasy, the last few years I find myself more and more turned on by the thought of double penetration. Before that, it was a pretty much nonexistent aspect of my threesome fantasies, in part because it somehow seemed too dirty – they only do that in porn films, right? – and later because of a bad experience with anal sex. I find it so hot to imagine both men filling me at the same time, their cocks alternating pistons moving in and out, one in my pussy and one in my ass. Although I can’t imagine being able to pull this off logistically, the thought of all three of us coming at the same time has me so turned on right now that I need to change my panties.

Bonus: Something you would NEVER do.
Cheat.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

I’m actually not putting it on; I’m taking it off.  I don’t sleep with clothes on.  Sorry if the title of this post was misleading.

See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!

There are several unique and weird holidays that take place all over the world. This TMI Tuesday is about the month of April’s special observances. What’s Up April? …

 

Jack’s Answers

1. April 1 is April Fool’s Day (All Fools Day), a Western tradition of pulling pranks and hoaxes.
– Did you play any April Fool’s jokes on someone?
– Were you the victim of an April’s Fool prank this year?
– What is the best April Fool’s hoax you’ve ever pulled?
The answer to the first two questions is no. In my younger days I would frequently play some sort of minor, inconsequential April Fool’s joke, though I eventually grew up and found the practice somewhat annoying. My mother never got the memo, however, because up until this year she would regularly call me with some dire bit of news and, when I was fully on the hook, she’d remind me that it was April Fool’s Day. She’d pretty much always get me. This year, I was ready for her tricks, but one never came. As for the best April Fool’s hoax – probably more of a joke if I’m being honest – I’ve ever pulled, I once called my mom while on a spring break road trip to Vegas, and told her that I was in jail. I’m pretty sure she fell for it, though this was about fifteen years ago. For all I remember she didn’t.

2. What is your favorite unusual or non-traditional holiday to observe?
My birthday, obviously. It’s not a traditional holiday – you probably don’t even get the day off for it, and if not, shame on your employer/institution of higher learning – but it’s damn special to me.

3. Do you observe any unique local or family tradition holidays? Briefly tell us about this holiday.
I’d love to write at length about an arcane custom my ancestors created and passed down from generation to generation, and which I too will pass down to my descendants. Perhaps there is some unique manner of cultural music or dance that my people perfected, or an annual celebration or culinary tradition. While my countrymen and women have their own cuisine, I doubt I would call it unique. At any rate, however, there is no unique holiday we celebrate. We celebrate pretty much all the usual ones.

4. April is National Poetry Month. Share your favorite poem with TMI Tuesday or write a poem and share.
“Longmobile”, by Shel Silverstein
It’s the world’s longest car, I swear.
It reaches from Beale Street to Washington Square.
And once you get in it
To go where you’re going,
You simply get out, ’cause you’re there.

5. This month is also Stress Awareness Month. What stresses you on a daily basis?
Commuter traffic as I’m driving my daughter to school. Having to be “on” socially as the other parents and I wait for the teachers to admit the students into class, and again as we wait for school to be dismissed. A sex drive that can seemingly never be completely satisfied. Financial difficulties of the sort most families face. Living in a too-small space that may meet the needs of my family but fails to meet the wants. And perhaps most importantly, the knowledge that I have a great life and probably shouldn’t be stressed out about any of this.

6. April is National Humor Month. Name 3 stand-up comics or comedic actors who make you laugh?
Bill Hicks. Patton Oswalt. Louis CK. Dwayne Kennedy. Margaret Cho. Eddie Murphy. Garfunkel and Oates. David Cross. Chris Rock. Greg Giraldo. George Carlin. Kristen Schaal. Pablo Francisco. Brian Regan. Mitch Hedberg. Tig Notaro. Richard Jeni. Robin Williams. Comedians I don’t like? Larry the Cable Guy. Andy Dick. Sam Kinison. Judy Tenuta. Bill Cosby. Sorry Bill. In the space of a few months your entire comedic legacy has been almost completely overshadowed, and it makes me sad. And I feel like I need to mention Jerry Seinfeld as well; while I love his eponymous 1990s television series, removed from that I have almost no interest.

7. April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day in the United States, however, it can and should be celebrated all over the world. How will you celebrate Jelly Bean Day?
I’d say by touring the Jelly Belly Factory here in Northern California, but the 22nd is a Wednesday and I don’t see myself driving across two bridges on a weekday; and also, as the tour guides are known to explain to guests, the world-famous Jelly Belly is not actually a jelly bean.

Bonus: The flower for the month of April is the Daisy. How or what do you feel about daisies?
Daisy Dukes? As a confirmed leg-and-ass man, I approve wholeheartedly.

Jill’s Answers

1. April 1 is April Fool’s Day (All Fools Day), a Western tradition of pulling pranks and hoaxes.
– Did you play any April Fool’s jokes on someone?
– Were you the victim of an April’s Fool prank this year?
– What is the best April Fool’s hoax you’ve ever pulled?
I did not play any jokes, nor were any played on me. I’m not really into practical jokes, actually. I don’t like to be made fun of or laughed at, and I am not especially crazy about doing that to others. I don’t see the value of telling someone something untrue that will probably provoke a strong emotional reaction, then explaining that you made it all up for the sake of some silly tradition. For the couple seconds that the person believed the lie, they may have been pretty scared. No thanks.

2. What is your favorite unusual or non-traditional holiday to observe?
Teacher Appreciation Week. This year it’s celebrated the week of May 4th. I usually get all sorts of gifts from the students in my class. The Parent-Teacher Association prepares a lunch for us, and do our yard duty all week so we don’t have to. It’s a minor celebration at best, but when you consider how woefully underpaid the average American public school teacher is, it’s a nice little bone-throw.

3. Do you observe any unique local or family tradition holidays? Briefly tell us about this holiday.
My family is fond of watching football and drinking, so let’s just say that we celebrate Sunday.

4. April is National Poetry Month. Share your favorite poem with TMI Tuesday or write a poem and share.
“Sick”, by Shel SIlverstein
“I cannot go to school today,”
Said little Peggy Ann McKay,
“I have the measles and the mumps,
A gash, a rash, and purple bumps.
My mouth is wet, my throat is dry,
I’m going blind in my right eye.
My tonsils are as big as rocks,
I’ve counted sixteen chicken pox
And there’s one more–that’s seventeen,
And don’t you think my face looks green?
My leg is cut, my eyes are blue–
It might be instamatic flu.
I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,
I’m sure that my left leg is broke–
My hip hurts when I move my chin,
My belly button’s caving in,
My back is wrenched, my ankle’s sprained,
My ‘pendix pains each time it rains.
My nose is cold, my toes are numb,
I have a sliver in my thumb.
My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,
I hardly whisper when I speak.
My tongue is filling up my mouth,
I think my hair is falling out.
My elbow’s bent, my spine ain’t straight,
My temperature is one-o-eight.
My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,
There is a hole inside my ear.
I have a hangnail, and my heart is–what?
What’s that? What’s that you say?
You say today is—Saturday?
G’bye, I’m going out to play!”

5. This month is also Stress Awareness Month. What stresses you on a daily basis?
Getting everything done that needs to get done. Work, dinner, house-cleaning, sex, sleep, parenting: It never ends.

6. April is National Humor Month. Name 3 stand-up comics or comedic actors who make you laugh?
Patton Oswalt, Brian Regan, and David Cross. They’re my top three.

7. April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day in the United States, however, it can and should be celebrated all over the world. How will you celebrate Jelly Bean Day?
I’m going to buy enough Jelly Bellys to fill a bathtub and take a bath in them.
[Editor’s Note: Jelly Bellys technically aren’t jelly beans.]
[Rebuttal: Okay, I’ll do it with gummy worms instead.]

Bonus: The flower for the month of April is the Daisy. How or what do you feel about daisies?
Gerbera daisies are one of my favorite flowers, but regular daisies I don’t like very much.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!