I love it when Jill wears stockings, heels, and little else. One of many shots we took during a recent hotel stay.
See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!
Sinful Sunday: Decadent Relaxation
TMI Tuesday: April 1, 2014
Many of us cannot live with out computer technology and being “connected” in some manner. Computers are a huge part of our lives and thus many of us personalize our computers, smartphones, tablets, etc. to show our personalities or to be extensions of our uniqueness. This week’s TMI Tuesday is about the love affair we have with our computer devices or Computer Love.
Jack’s Answers
1. What’s the wallpaper (photo, design, etc) on your phone, laptop or PC? Is it the same or different on these devices?
Sorry to disappoint you with the mundaneness of my answer, but both my laptop and my PC have the same black background. I know that you were expecting something a bit more personal, like a favorite movie poster or album cover, or a photo of my daughter, Jill and I dressed to the nines at a family wedding. But when I buy a new computer or reformat an old one, the first thing I do is take a picture with my lens cap on, and use the resulting jpeg as my desktop background. While there was a time when I put a lot of thought into my computer wallpaper, and would change it frequently to reflect my mood, these days I prefer a simple black background as it facilitates the quick location and access of the countless files I leave strewn all over my desktop. On the other hand, I usually use some manner of geeky pop culture image as the wallpaper on my phone and tablet. (Currently both wallpapers are Doctor Who-related.) Compared to my desktop and PC, these devices are much more likely to be seen, and one never knows when one will run across an attractive fellow Whovian…
“Sorry, freak. Not in a million years.”
2. What’s on the desktop of your phone or notebook/tablet (i.e., icons, files, windows etc.)
My phone has a combination clock and weather widget, plus a search bar and a bunch of apps. My tablet is more or less the same.
Both usually feature the “low battery” warning screen as well.
3. What type of computer device do you use most often?
It’s a tie between my phone and my laptop, an Asus Something-Or-Other. I like the convenience that my phone brings; I can carry the entire internet in my pocket wherever I go, and check websites, and send instant messages or tweet without having to lug my laptop from room to room. Plus it can send and receive phone calls though I rarely use it for that purpose. But I generally hate typing on my phone, especially for more than a couple sentences at a time. Thus when I’m hanging around at home I’m usually using my laptop.
4. How many computer type devices do you own including smartphones?
Not counting no-longer-functioning devices, or ones that are generally not in regular use, the answer is five. I’ve got a tablet, a smartphone, two laptops, and a desktop PC. Actually now that I think of it, I’ve also got a netbook, though it’s rare that I actually use it; these days when I need an internet-capable device that I can take with me, it’s going to be my tablet. Additionally I’ve still got three old smartphones going back to 2009, a cheap tablet that one day failed to boot up, and several old laptops which either don’t work or are semi-obsolete, and which I’ve been planning to crack open and salvage for spare parts for quite awhile now. Someday!
5. Do you make sexy videos with your smartphone?
Again, sorry to disappoint, but the answer is no. I mean, we have done it. Actually, now that I think of it most of the sexy videos we’ve taken were made with a standard point-and-click camera or my DSLR. Such is the case with both of the masturbation videos we shot for Masturbation Month in May 2012 and May 2013. But with our smartphone, no, not really. We are much more prolific sexy photographers than sexy videographers.
6. Do you video-chat naked or have virtual sex using your computer?
Of course. We can’t get enough of it. Especially me. Being a stay-at-home parent I’ve found myself with more hours of solitary leisure time than I would be able to handle if not for Skype. During the first couple years of our daughter’s life when she’d nap regularly once if not twice a day, sexy webcamming (i.e. frequently but not always naked) took the edge off the fact that while I was once a free-wheeling man-about-town, I suddenly found myself with a diaper bag permanently affixed to my body, responsible for the life and well-being of another human being. It was sometimes difficult to coordinate Skype dates, and on more than one occasion my daughter woke up crying just as things were getting good. But when it worked out – and it did quite often – it was well worth all the misfires. There was a period between the time she stopped napping and the time she started preschool when Skype action was much more sporadic – almost nonexistent – but now that she’s out of the house a few hours a week, I do my best to ensure that my non-sexy to-do list (housecleaning, grocery shopping, writing, television-watching) and my sexy to-do list are balanced. Oh! That reminds me: Do we need to add you on Skype? Let us know.
7. How many naked photos of your whole body or your body parts have you taken with your smartphone camera?
There is literally no way to calculate the actual number, so I’m just going to say a zillion.
You might as well ask me how many grains of sand comprise the Sahara Desert.
8. What is the most photographed part of your body?
My face.
Bonus: Post a photo of the most photographed part of your body.
Sorry. Not happening.
Bonus, Bonus: Do you use a screensaver? If yes, post a pic of it.
Why yes! I do use a screensaver. It’s the iconic After Dark module Flying Toasters. Oh wait – no I don’t. I used to, though. In the mid-1990s, before Star Wars hit the wall, so to speak, I employed a system of screensavers entitled Star Wars Screen Entertainment. Pictured is the Jawa module, wherein Jawas, droids, and Tusken Raiders ran out onto your screen and rearranged your files and icons.
Jill’s Answers
1. What’s the wallpaper (photo, design, etc) on your phone, laptop or PC? Is it the same or different on these devices?
My laptop and my tablet both feature whatever default wallpaper was installed on the devices when I got them. I’ve never really been one to customize a laptop or a computer in this way, certainly not as much as Jack. The exception to the rule is my phone. I have it with me at all times, and most of what little non-work-related emailing, social networking, etc. I do these days is done on my phone. Given how much I use it, it makes sense that I’d want an appealing image as my wallpaper. So I use a photo I took of my daughter. It never fails to make me smile.
2. What’s on the desktop of your phone or notebook/tablet (i.e., icons, files, windows etc.)
My phone’s desktop includes a clock, and icons for my most-often-used apps, including my camera, text messaging, and a few games and things. On my laptop, there are only a few shortcuts to recently-installed programs, and all the usual stuff like my recycle bin. But there aren’t any files or anything. When it comes to computers, I’m a much better housekeeper than Jack.
Houses, though? Whole different story.
3. What type of computer device do you use most often?
As I said in my answer to Question #1, my phone sees much more use than my laptop (or for that matter even my tablet). This is because I don’t have anywhere near as much time to sit at a desk, or even on the couch, and use my laptop as I’d like. This is something of a luxury for me lately. When I need to send an instant message, look up a recipe on the internet, or watch something on YouTube (or more likely PornHub or RedTube), it’s going to be on my phone. I’d love to have more time to use my laptop, but most days I am going nonstop from morning until night. Maybe when our daughter is away at college.
4. How many computer type devices do you own including smartphones?
Three. One smartphone, one tablet, and one laptop. That’s probably more than I need, actually.
When it comes to vibrators, though, that’s not nearly enough.
5. Do you make sexy videos with your smartphone?
I have, but it isn’t something I do very often. First of all it’s very hard to take a video of myself with my phone. Maybe with an actual camera on a tripod. But my tits are pretty much the only thing I can consistently capture in a flattering way with my smartphone camera, and unfortunately there’s not much I can do with them to justify taking a video as opposed to just a picture. I can’t get my nipples into my mouth. I can barely reach my nipples with my tongue, and if I can it’s only for like a second. I am always up for masturbating on camera, but again that’s the kind of thing that would be better with a camera on a tripod rather than a smartphone. With my luck I’ll set my smartphone on a table across from the bed, prop it up against something and start recording, then lie down and get started only to have it fall over and record the ceiling.
6. Do you video-chat naked or have virtual sex using your computer?
Now this is definitely something I enjoy. I’ve done a lot of both naked video-chatting via Skype and virtual sex via instant messenger, though not as much lately as I’d like. In my twenties I used to enjoy sexy chats with random guys on the other side of the country or even the world. Eventually this progressed to webcamming, and I’d often stay up until the early hours of the morning to watch random guys stroke their cocks as I played with my pussy. Though it’s hardly a substitute for physical contact there is something both erotic and intimate about sharing such an experience with another human being. When Jack and I lived far apart for a couple years, we’d cam often, usually right before bed. Watching him masturbate always heightened my desire for him and ensured I gave him a good show. When we lived together we’d look in Yahoo! Chat for a willing audience, though we transitioned to Skype and eventually put on shows for friends we’d made through our blog and Twitter. But it’s been awhile since we’ve been able to do that, especially as our daughter has gotten older and her sleep schedule has grown more precarious. During the late afternoon or evening when I’ve just gotten home from work she isn’t likely to give us the time we need for that sort of open-ended play, and since we’re on the West Coast most of our friends are asleep by the time she’s down for the night. Lately the closest I come to this kind of activity is an occasional instant messenger conversation with one of a few sexy friends. Of course, it usually happens during the day, which means I am working (or on my lunch break, anyway) and thus unable to masturbate, even though the friends with whom I’m chatting are definitely getting off. Needless to say, I am frequently soaking wet by the time I leave work.
7. How many naked photos of your whole body or your body parts have you taken with your smartphone camera?
Whole body: 672. Body parts: 1,509. (Figures may be approximate.)
8. What is the most photographed part of your body?
My tits. My ass is a very close second.
Bonus: Post a photo of the most photographed part of your body.
Here you go!
Bonus, Bonus: Do you use a screensaver? If yes, post a pic of it.
My laptop just shuts off the display after a few minutes of non-use. So here’s my screensaver.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Sinful Sunday: Tight Squeeze
We like anal sex. We find it to be intense and pleasurable, with just the right amount of taboo to give it a slight edge over vaginal sex. But we don’t have it as often as either of us would like, because as we frequently say, when you’re pressed for time you tend to fuck the orifice that lubricates itself. However, while enjoying a couple days without our usual responsibilities (read: while childless and holed up in a hotel room), we broke out the lube and had some fun. It bears noting that Jill’s first experience with anal sex, long before she and I met, was far from a positive one, venturing instead into the realm of sexual assault. Therefore her comfort is of the utmost importance to me – in all things, not just when I’m fucking her ass – and I do my best to make sure that she enjoys herself as much as I do.
I’m Not Excited About Under the Skin
Over the last year there has been a ton of buzz about Under the Skin, a new film directed by Jonathan Glazer. Since its premiere at the Telluride Film Festival in August, a steady and excited rumble has deafened certain parts of the internet as excited filmgoers eagerly awaited its release. (The film opened in the United Kingdom on Friday; its U.S. release is scheduled for April 4.) So what’s the film about? The simple answer is that it doesn’t seem to matter in the least, as the vast majority of the aforementioned buzz has had nothing to do with the film or its science fiction plot, or for that matter the 2000 novel from which it is derived. Nor has it anything to do with the director or his previous works, which include the Ray Winstone film Sexy Beast and the Nicole Kidman film Birth. No, the buzz I’ve heard over the last several months almost exclusively concerns star Scarlett Johansson and her quartet of nude scenes.
There was a time when news of a major Hollywood actress baring all for the camera might inspire me to go see the film in question. Of course, there was a time (before I was an overextended stay-at-home parent) when I might go see the film regardless. I understand that Scarlett Johansson is a hot commodity, and I acknowledge that millions of filmgoers worldwide find her physically desirable. She may even be a really good actress; I’ll admit to enjoying her performance the few times I’ve actually seen her in something.
Unfortunately, the days of me breaking a sweat over even a relatively revealing or explicit nude scene in a commercially-released film are long since over. There was a time when the promise of seeing a brief flash of a well-known actress’ nipple on HBO might motivate me to stay up until well past two in the morning, even on a school night. I’m not sure why this is; I’m guessing it’s a combination of interest and respect for the actress(es) in question, and more importantly, a lack of other suitable jerkoff material. After all, this was a more innocent time, when the internet was less ubiquitous, and obtaining legitimate pornography generally involved leaving the house, spending money, and worst of all, being rung up by an actual human being who you’d have to look in the eye as they judged you.
I remember waiting patiently for the release of Bliss, starring Twin Peaks‘ Sheryl Lee. And Dream Lover, starring Twin Peaks‘ Mädchen Amick. And discovering on video Two Moon Junction, starring Twin Peaks‘ Sherilyn Fenn. I watched Dana Delaney rise from a swimming pool completely naked in Exit to Eden, enjoyed the sight of Rose McGowan getting fucked in a bathtub in The Doom Generation despite the glaring sight of James Duval’s balls, forced myself to watch Nicolas Cage thrusting awkwardly into Laura Dern in exchange for long looks at her naked breasts in Wild at Heart, admired Annette Bening’s bush in The Grifters, stroked it to Samantha Micelli in Embrace of the Vampire, shot many a load while watching Jodie Foster take a shower in Backtrack, squinted to make out any trace of Jennifer Connelly’s labia in The Hot Spot, wore out the pause button on my VCR to catch a split-second glimpse of Julia Roberts’ nipple through the headboard in Pretty Woman, suffered through more than two hours of non-stop melodramatic schlock in order to ogle Elizabeth Berkeley in Showgirls, and stared eyes agape as Heather Graham cast off her clothes in Boogie Nights. Sorry, make that Twin Peaks‘ Heather Graham. Ah, the ’90s.
I know that in the past I’ve mentioned instances of celebrity nudity to which I have looked forward, notably Jessica Biel’s topless scenes in Powder Blue. So understand that I’m not saying that there are no celebrities I find attractive, or no instances of movie or television nudity that have gotten my attention over the last few years. There certainly are. The 2011 film Take This Waltz, in which Michelle Williams, Sarah Silverman, and Jennifer Podemski appear full-frontally nude in a lengthy shower scene, was for me what I’m guessing Under the Skin is for many pervy filmgoers today. I’m not sure why this film intrigued me so; I don’t consider myself a fan of Sarah Silverman, but the thought of seeing her naked was exciting. She seemed to me the least likely mainstream actress to drop trou for the camera. I suppose that I liked the scene perhaps because of its boldness. It wasn’t erotic or even overtly sexy; none of the women kissed or touched each other. It was a rather mundane depiction of three women taking a shower. Scrubbing. Having a conversation.
And that’s when it kind of hit me: Maybe it was the decided lack of glamour that I found attractive, and even arousing. Generally speaking, I can’t relate to the current crop of big-name Hollywood actresses. I’m almost thirty-eight years old. Despite the fact that I’m in contact almost daily with a woman ten years my junior – a woman I not only desire but consider a close friend – I acknowledge that the things that matter to this specific cohort – and for that matter, to men the same age – are vastly different than the things that matter to me. Generally speaking I don’t know what makes the younger generation tick, and that’s if they come from a walk of life similar to my own. Put them in several-thousand-dollar Versace gowns and near-priceless jewelry on loan from Martin Katz and while I’ll admit they look stunning they might as well not even be the same species as I.
And that is, generally speaking, why I’m over celebrities, or at the very least why I don’t fantasize about them, certainly not the way I did when I was a much younger man. While I certainly value an emotionally-raw or award-winning performance, it is rare that I find myself sexually attracted to a female celebrity, at least to the point of masturbating to a revealing scene, or to a fantasy of my own invention. I must disclose that I belong to more than one forum dedicated to the subject of celebrity nudity, the kind of place where much of the conversation over the past several months has concerned Scarlett Johansson’s aforementioned nude scenes. I visit these forums on a more or less daily basis. I check them to see if some groundbreaking piece of movie nudity-related news has broken, and in the off chance that some high definition screen capture of a hitherto unknown to me nude scene has been posted. But for more than any other reason, I check them out of habit.
A big part of the reason why I can’t relate to, and am therefore only superficially attracted to, the actresses and musicians who grace the covers of countless checkout aisle tabloids and entertainment magazines is because in the past couple years as a sex blogger I have made the acquaintance of countless women to whom I can relate, and to whom I am seriously attracted, not only physically but intellectually as well. And it helps that many of these women are attracted to me as well.
I find that my opinion of a woman’s hotness and desirability is greatly influenced by whether or not she thinks I’m hot and desirable.
— Jack (and Jill) (@jackandjillcpl) March 9, 2014
What’s the use in pining for some inaccessible supposed ideal who you’re unlikely to ever meet, much less take to bed? I have friends both male and female, married and single, who lust openly for some celebrity, who may even have a list of celebrities with whom they are allowed to have sex in the off chance they meet them at a crowded, smelly Wal-Mart in our far-from-Hollywood pocket of suburbia. And that’s cute. It’s good to have goals in life, though deliberately setting goals that you know you’ll never actually achieve seems counterproductive to me. Still, I understand the need for fantasy; when slogging through decades of monogamy a sliver of hope may be what keeps them sane, and/or faithful.
Oh, and since I’ve mentioned the word “ideal”, I should point out for the umpteenth time that I usually reject anything that society tells me is ideal. Doesn’t matter if it’s the ideal life, the ideal job, the ideal partner, or the ideal state of monogamy. If the population at large expects me to conform to it I’m probably going to scoff. Call me crazy, but I’m more likely to fantasize about the cute checker at the grocery store or the young woman I sometimes see in the elevator in my building than some flashbulb-blinded queen of the silver screen standing on the red carpet in a low-cut dress at the Oscars.
Why? Well, at the risk of applying a label where it is perhaps unwarranted, I find women in the first category much more “real”. That is to say, they are the sort of women I encounter in my daily life, and thus I can relate to them, and because of this I find them attractive. They have screaming, colicky babies who throw temper tantrums and don’t nap when they’re expected to. They have trouble sticking to a diet. They have mountains of debt. They have unreasonable bosses who take their personal problems out on them. I am not trying to insinuate that an A-list Hollywood actress is in any way unreal, though one could be forgiven for thinking so given her predilection for regularly swapping out her own identity for that of a character, and for pay. It’s simply the nature of the beast.
While most of the time I tend to get off to sexy chats with hot friends, well-written erotica, or provocative posts by my many fellow bloggers, if I’m looking for a visual turn-on for the purposes of masturbation and orgasm, I’d rather watch a porn film than a brief, often chaotically-edited scene wherein I have to squint through a darkly-lit film set in order to catch sight of an actress’ breasts for two frames. Granted, rather than a big-budget studio porn production I’d prefer to get off to a grainy DIY scene featuring actual people, i.e. unpaid non-actors. But if I’m determined to watch something sexy I’ll take what’s available. At the top of the hierarchy is some kind of amateur video shot with a handheld camera featuring a woman (or women) I might conceivably know. Below that is glossy studio porn. And below that is the artfully shot Hollywood film with a six-second scene of partial nudity.
I understand why people get so excited about the artfully shot Hollywood film with a six-second scene of partial nudity. I understand why certain segments of the filmgoing public spend months looking forward to one high-profile nude scene and then once it’s released begin anticipating the next one. After all, for many years I was counted amongst their number. The intention of a nude scene may be to symbolize a character’s internal vulnerability rather than to titillate. While it might not be as revealing or as overtly erotic as porn, for some there is something very appealing about getting an intimate look at a movie star or other celebrity whose career we may have followed for years, and to whom we have developed an emotional attachment.
But not for me. There are few actresses to whom I have such an attachment. That said, I need to check Netflix for a film called Not Another Happy Ending; I understand Karen Gillan gets naked.
– Jack
Sinful Sunday: Proper Painting Attire
Because I’d hate to get any paint on my clothes.
See who else is being sinful at Molly’s Daily Kiss!
TMI Tuesday: March 11, 2014
This week’s TMI Tuesday deals with emotions.
“The emotions aren’t always immediately subject to reason, but they are always immediately subject to action”
Quote from philosopher-pyschologist William James
Jack’s Answers
1. Laughter: What makes you laugh?
An interesting turn of phrase by my daughter, whether used correctly or incorrectly. These days I find the stuff this kid overhears and incorporates into conversation far funnier than scripted comedy.
2. Anger: This past week, who or what really pissed you off? What happened?
On Sunday, I found myself at a family party. Jill wasn’t there yet and it fell solely upon me to ensure that my daughter didn’t break anything or take a header into our hosts’ ungated pool. (Single parents, I don’t know how you do it.) My kid loves to push her limits, and finally I had to give her a time-out, a punishment that didn’t exist when I was a kid but was somehow invented in the interim decades, and luckily so because I wouldn’t have the first idea how to actually give my daughter a spanking anyway. Anyway, I sat her down on the sofa in an empty room and told her to sit and think about what she’d done wrong. While this was going on, another party guest to whom I hadn’t been introduced came into the room, stood over the sofa, and made disapproving sounds. I do on occasion curse in front of my child – I’m only human – so understand that I didn’t ask him what the fuck his problem was not because I was self-censoring but because I was so dumbstruck by his rudeness that I found myself at a loss for words. So I shrugged my shoulders incredulously and gave him a look that told him to beat it, which he heeded. I have no idea who the guy was – a friend or relative of the host, I assume – but he steered clear for the rest of the party.
3. Fear: What phobia did you have but overcame?
When I was a little kid – probably age five and younger – I was terrified of clowns, to the extent that I refused to attend a party or event if I suspected there would be a clown. Needless to say my circus attendance during this period of my life was very though, although it was actually higher than it has been for the last thirty years. Anyway, while I no longer find clowns terrifying, I still find them annoying.
Some more than others.
4. Surprise: Recently, what unexpected act or behavior did you experience in your sex life?
I Skyped with a friend for the first time! That’s always fun. I think we can all relate to the excitement of seeing someone naked for the first time; despite the fact that it wasn’t in person, I have no complaints about the experience overall.
5. Trust: Many on-going relationships have a certain predictability about them. Does that certainty translate into trust?
I suppose that it can be viewed that way; however I’ve always interpreted predictability with boredom. While some measure of predictability is probably desirable in an on-going relationship, I’ll opt for spontaneity any day of the week. The challenge, therefore, lies in determining a suitable balance between security and excitement.
You’re doing it wrong.
6. Excitement: Who do you excite?
Virtually every woman I meet, and more than a few of the men.
Bonus: What intimate activity do you share with your partner, something that is meaningful to your relationship? For example Sunday breakfast in bed, cooking, maintenance spanking, etc.
I gave this one a lot of thought. I wanted to come up with something really memorable, something that truly defines us as a couple. Spending our Sunday mornings splitting a bottle of champagne in bed, for example. I’m not sure why, but in my mind that was always the apex of intimacy and luxury, a decadent tradition that never quite managed to take place, even before we had kids. We spent most of our weekends staying with Jill’s family out of town, and now that we are parents neither one of us is willing to wake up any earlier than we absolutely have to. So what could it be? I’d say cooking, and I’m willing to wager that Jill will in fact go with this; however I suspect that would seem like I just went with that because it was suggested in the question. You know what? I’m just going to go with fisting.
Jill’s Answers
1. Laughter: What makes you laugh?
My daughter, when she makes a funny voice when trying to imitate a character or a person she knows, or when she says something mature in the correct context. Cute sentimental things, like the stupid mom humor I sometimes see in my friends’ Facebook feeds. Bob’s Burgers.
2. Anger: This past week, who or what really pissed you off? What happened?
One of the things that most infuriates me is being ignored. I absolutely hate it when I ask someone or tell someone something and they hear me but don’t respond. This week, between my daughter and my students, it happened multiple times.
It’s a lot like this.
3. Fear: What phobia did you have but overcame?
I’ve always been at least a little bit afraid of heights. Going all the way back to childhood, I don’t like looking over the edge of a cliff, or a tall building. When this phobia was at its worst I had issues looking down over the second-floor railing at the mall. Now, however, it’s a lot less pronounced than it was. While I do still experience some semblance of vertigo when I look down from a high place, I have no problem getting fucked in front of a picture window in a high-rise hotel suite, or even up against a balcony. I think Jack really helped me overcome that phobia.
4. Surprise: Recently, what unexpected act or behavior did you experience in your sex life?
Last night Jack woke me up for sex in the middle of the night. Normally when we have sex in the middle of the night I’m only half-asleep, not fully asleep, as most of the time he respects my serious need for sleep too much to disturb me – although I have never asked him not to. Anyway, last night Jack got to bed late. I remember him asking if I was cold, and then the next thing I knew he was inside me, filling me up until I couldn’t possibly take anymore. Then I was wide awake, and he was fingering my clit as his cock moved in and out. Before long, we were lying side by side, enjoying post-orgasmic bliss. Needless to say, it was the best night’s sleep I’ve had in awhile.
It was a lot like this.
5. Trust: Many on-going relationships have a certain predictability about them. Does that certainty translate into trust?
I think that when you’ve been with someone a certain length of time and you’ve really gotten to know who they are, you start to trust that things are going to be a certain way. You grow comfortable in the understanding that you largely know what’s going to happen. That doesn’t necessarily imply that things are going to be rote or boring, although that’s certainly possible. What I mean is that you become secure in that predictability, and that does imply trust. I’m going to say yes.
6. Excitement: Who do you excite?
Jack, for sure. A few friends of ours, including a high school friend of Jack’s who’s joined us in the bedroom, and another high school friend of Jack’s who we most certainly wish would join us in the bedroom. A couple of our other friends as well, mostly guys who are married and thus unable to join us in the bedroom. Still, it’s nice to know that they would if they could. Unfortunately, I can’t say for sure whether or not I excite anyone else, as I’ve largely ceased tweeting and therefore I don’t get as much feedback as I used to, or for that matter as much as I’d like to. So…anyone out there get excited by me? Let me know!
Bonus: What intimate activity do you share with your partner, something that is meaningful to your relationship? For example Sunday breakfast in bed, cooking, maintenance spanking, etc.
Fisting, without a doubt.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Sharing is Fun!
“I’m S!” says the woman who has in fact been represented by that initial on this blog in last November’s post The Year of Near Misses. Actually she doesn’t actually say it, as far as I can tell. It’s an instant message. She follows this up with an emoticon, to wit a coy wink that is unnecessary to convey her flirty nature, but appreciated nonetheless. I imagine her thrill upon reading the post in question, upon realizing that she’s been referenced, if only by a single letter, in front of our sizable readership.
Actually, is our readership sizable these days? I doubt it, as our blogging activity is not what it once was. Still, it’s out there. I ask her how she feels about that. When I read that she’s flattered, I’m relieved. After all, I wrote that post with the expectation that she’d never read it. I tell her as much: “It wasn’t necessarily intended for your eyes when I originally wrote it.” She understands.
We had no real intention of sharing our blog with S. If you’ve been following this blog for any appreciable length of time or if you’ve simply read more than a handful of posts, you know that discretion is vital to us, and that we aren’t the kind of people who throw caution to the wind. In a perfect world throwing caution to the wind would be an option, without any real consequences. But this is simply not the case. We tend to be very careful about showing our blog to people who know us in so-called “real life”, i.e. those who have met us in person, because it’s filled with enough evidence of our salacious doings to ruin my wife’s career and have severe repercussions on her social circle as well. Despite the fact that Jill and I are very attracted to S and vice versa, despite the fact that we’ve talked extensively about having sex with her in virtually every conceivable variation, despite the fact that I’ve known her for twenty-five years and that there is a measure of real trust between us that doesn’t even exist between M and I, it wasn’t something we planned to do.
For one thing, we weren’t sure she really wanted to see it. Yes, she asked for the URL pretty much as soon as she knew the blog existed. But we resisted less for our protection as for her own. After all, some things, once seen, cannot be unseen. Pictures of my cock can be found throughout this blog. However, so can pictures of my belly. (Hey, I’m working on it.) Hell, there’s video of me ejaculating here. Of Jill too. This is a venue for us to be almost completely honest. We may not show our faces, and we may spare you some of the more mundane details of our non-sexual life, but this is really who we are. That couple on Facebook who happen to look just like us, but who keep it PG, rarely curse, and tend to downplay the fact that they even have a sex life? That’s not us. That’s a very sanitized, suitable-for-mass-audiences look at who we would be if we were characters on Leave it to Beaver. Some people wouldn’t be able to handle the real us, and undoubtedly prefer us in our censored versions.
Therefore, even with the discretion factor taken off the table, it’s probably prudent to retain some measure of control over who is exposed to what. Additionally, I like to preserve a sense of mystery, especially when I’m flirting with someone I’m unlikely to ever actually fuck. There’s something exciting about withholding information, in a manner of speaking. About keeping someone guessing, and thereby keeping them interested. Which is not to say that giving S our blog URL would have killed the attraction, or rendered flirting with us obsolete. Far from it. It’s just that it’s not in my nature to overshare in this fashion, at least not with someone I know personally, unless I’m really sure they want it. Years of maintaining an adult blog and a naughty Twitter account have conditioned me to be a bit more disciplined about what I share and with which audience. Hell, our sometime bedroom guest star M was made aware of our blog almost two years into the sexual component of our relationship, after much deliberation by Jill and I. The web address was never shared. (Granted, she never asked for it.)
In that case, it’s not an issue of trust. We trust M deeply. But she doesn’t seem the sort who’d care much for reading our TMI Tuesday answers, or getting our thoughts on some random sexual topic. Chances are it’s something we’ve already discussed anyway. At any rate, she undoubtedly lacks the time to dedicate to regular blog-reading. And if she wanted to, she would have asked. Would we have given it to her? Maybe. But I can’t imagine she feels the need to read about the time we had an awesome threesome after a bar meet-up for Valentine’s Day because she was there. She lived it.
So why the reluctance in sharing our blog with S? I’m not sure. Given the trust that exists between us, and the knowledge that she’d be turned on by pretty much all of it, it does admittedly seem a natural thing to do. I like knowing that the attraction we feel for her is mutual. I like knowing that she thinks of us in the middle of the night when she can’t sleep – something she divulged earlier this week. I like knowing that she fantasizes about Jill and I when she and her husband are having sex. I like knowing the specific ins and outs (no pun intended) of her fantasies. I like knowing that she wants to suck my cock, that she’d let me fuck her in a heartbeat, that she’s given as much thought to what that would be like as I have, if not more. I guess on some level I just worried, admittedly without basis, that such an overshare might mitigate her feelings.
In the end, I gave her a standard-sounding warning that the blog is far more explicit than anything she’d seen from us thusfar, and a trio of conditions to which she eagerly agreed. First, I told her, perhaps redundantly, that everything in the blog stays between the three of us. That means that the husband who doesn’t know we exist can’t stumble upon the blog in her browser history. That also means that certain high school classmates who have appeared in our blog must never find out that she’s read of our exploits together. Second, I told her that I wanted to discuss it with her. In the event that she comes across something she really likes or doesn’t like, I asked her to let me know about it, and give me feedback. Third, related to the previous, if she ever finds herself so turned on by something she’s read or seen on our blog that she has to get herself off, I’d like to know that as well. But that’s less due to our need for discretion and more due to the fact that I want to hear all about her masturbating to a sexy picture or piece of writing we’ve posted. Or maybe watch her.
It felt pretty good to share the blog with someone I know well, someone with whom we are close. In the past, friends have had the URL, and would in fact visit frequently. But this was back when the blog consisted mainly of random sexual musings and fantasies, i.e. things that could be easily disavowed if someone tried to use it against us. Photos are more difficult to disavow. I’m guessing that everyone who followed our blog in its early days gave up on it during the thirteen-month hiatus we took between 2010 and 2011. However, since returning from said hiatus, our writing – mine in particular – has improved. I am proud of this blog, because while I have been writing since childhood, few have ever read the bulk of what I’ve written. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that while I really enjoy my non-blog writing, it’s not as good as this because I am not as passionate about it as I am about sex. This blog has been read by hundreds if not thousands of people, but most of those who know me in so-called “real life” will never read any of it.
So it seems we’ve got a new reader, which is fortuitous since I’m guessing our recent silence has killed off a sizable chunk of our readership. Anyway, there’s a good chance that S will read this. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to address her now.
Hello, beautiful. We want you.
Anyway, we’ll keep you all posted regarding any developments!
It’s That Time of Year Again!
It wouldn’t be Christmas without a picture of Jill looking sexy in front of the tree.
Wicked Wednesday: Christmas Wishes
Though we haven’t blogged much this year – indeed, 2013 is on track to see publication of the fewest blog posts since this blog’s inception – and though we suspect there aren’t many individuals still reading our stuff, we wanted to take this opportunity to wish anyone who might stumble upon this page the happiest of holidays. Regardless of what holiday you celebrate during this time of year, we hope it finds you content. And if you don’t happen to celebrate a holiday, we still wish you happiness in general. Thank you for taking time out of your undoubtedly very busy lives to visit our blog.
This year, our wish lists are very short. I would like 2014 to include many more opportunities for non-monogamous play than I was able to enjoy in 2013. As we’ve stated elsewhere on this blog, what few opportunities presented themselves this year eventually fell through or otherwise did not deliver. Given the nature of our personal and professional lives, being open about my orientation toward non-monogamy and pursuing play partners locally would likely have dire consequences. Indeed my OKCupid profile is vague by necessity, without even a face picture. Judging by said profile, a potential partner might find me wishy-washy and non-committal. I am handcuffed, to an extent, by our need for discretion.
While we’re on the subject of discretion, another thing on my wish list is the ability to be open about my need for non-monogamy. I’m not talking about telling every person I meet that I’m on a constant quest for new pussy, but I do know that my life would be easier and generally less stressful if I didn’t have to hide who I really am behind a façade of conformity. The fact is, I am instinctually driven to want extramarital sex. At the very least, I require regular flirtation with women who are not my wife. This will never change, nor do I want it to change. As stated above, being open about this sort of thing would result in my wife being judged by her family, friends, and co-workers, i.e. viewed as a victim, or as a weak woman who can’t satisfy her husband. Were she to explain that we have an open relationship, she would be judged even more harshly, i.e. as a sexual deviant. Thus I understand that this wish is even less likely to come true than my previous one.
Jill’s Christmas wishes are a bit more likely to come true than my own. For starters, she’d like to be online more. She has tweeted very sporadically this year, especially over the last six months. She hasn’t really participated much in blogging. This is largely due to her work schedule being so hectic, to say nothing of the trials and tribulations that come from raising a small child. As our child grows older, our sleep schedule grows more precarious, and we frequently find ourselves exhausted. This is simply a fact of life. We only have one child at present, but we realize that the fatigue will only be compounded if/when we have another child. Additionally, there is a part of Jill that greatly fears the discovery of her double life. It would undoubtedly be the end of her career. This is a big part of the reason why she tweets less frequently than she once did.
Beyond tweeting, though, Jill really missed out on blogging in 2013. Last year, this blog was a much-needed venue where Jill could talk openly about her sexual self. Sex is a big part of who my wife is, and she feels that it is a side of herself that is worth honoring, or at the very least acknowledging. We have few friends with whom we can discuss our sex life. Having been raised in a traditional Catholic household and grown up with friends who were raised in similar circumstances, Jill has always valued her ability to share her sexual thoughts, feelings, and fantasies with the adult blogosphere, i.e. a vast community of like-minded individuals. Not having that outlet really took its toll on her this year. She hopes to correct this in 2014.
In closing, it seems that while our sexual exploits are unlikely to include the openness I desire, and in fact require, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to read about them with greater frequency in 2014 than you did in 2013. We hope this strikes you as good news. Once again, we wish you happiness during this holiday season, and all your hearts desire in 2014.
This week’s prompt
TMI Tuesday: December 24, 2013 – Christmas holiday spirit or not
The following questions were adapted for TMI Tuesday blog. I first saw it here, and it was borrowed from this blog.
Jack’s Answers
1. Which religion or faith do you belong to, if any?
None, really. My own atheism notwithstanding, I don’t have time for a belief system created by man for his own purposes. Today organized religion seems like a money-making venture above all else. I’m more than capable of being a good person without the promise of reward or the threat of punishment; therefore I don’t identify with any religion or faith. However, as a child I was raised Catholic.
2. What is your opinion of Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays?
I have no personal preference. To me it all means the same thing. The so-called war on Christmas is obviously a manufactured controversy designed to raise the ire of ethnocentric, xenophobic conservatives who wrongly fear that their way of life is in danger. I take issue with anyone who gets upset over “Happy Holidays” for a number of reasons: First of all, there are people in this country who don’t celebrate Christmas. (As I am unaware of this bullshit pseudo-controversy existing anywhere outside of the United States, my answer to this question will focus primarily on my home country.) And while I don’t imagine they get half as upset when someone wishes them a Merry Christmas as some of the people who celebrate Christmas get when someone wishes them Happy Holidays, I believe an umbrella greeting is a nice way to acknowledge the cultural and religious differences in the world. Second, when someone wishes you Happy Holidays as opposed to Merry Christmas, it’s their way of not making an assumption about you. Just because a person lives in the United States doesn’t mean they vote, believe, love, or live as you do. That was the point of this country when it was founded, and I’m not sure where we lost our way. If you get upset over any polite greeting, you’re a malcontent and a bit of an asshole. Anyway, the bottom line for me is that any human being who bristles over being wished Happy Holidays, or happy anything for that matter, is a miserable individual who is probably destined to have a lousy holiday regardless.
And then there are people who bristle over “Merry Christmas”.
3. How do you feel about holiday music on the radio?
Radio? What is this, the sixties?
4. When do you start decorating? Do you?
We usually decorate on Thanksgiving weekend. Our living space is fairly small. We don’t have an exterior to decorate, really, so we put up the same smallish plastic tree we’ve had for the last several years, hang ample ornaments from its fake boughs, and set up some decorations on our mantel. That’s sufficient.
5. White lights or multi-colored?
Our fake tree has pre-strung multi-colored lights. Good thing, too, because that’s what I prefer. And I’ve never been a big fan of blinking lights, so I’m glad ours are static. Actually blinking lights aren’t bad. Just don’t give me epilepsy.
6. Gift cards, cash, or actually shopped for presents?
Depends on the recipient. We rarely give cash, unless requested. We tend to ask what the person wants or needs for Christmas; in some cases it’s a gift card, while in others it’s an actual gift, i.e. a physical item or non-physical service or experience, for lack of a better term. While I generally do much of my shopping online, I like going to stores to shop for presents, and in fact being a stay-at-home parent affords me much opportunity to shop during the day, when the stores are less crowded. However, I find that I do better when the pressure is on, i.e. the week right before Christmas.
7. Christmas cards and/or family update letters?
Nada. We don’t do update letters, and we never have. I guess I don’t believe the recipients of such a letter give enough of a shit to justify me writing one. Anyway, we have Facebook accounts if family and close friends want to know what we’ve been up to. I do wish I had time for Christmas cards, given how many we tend to receive during the holidays. But since our daughter was born we haven’t sent any out. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
8. Fill in the blank: Snow is ______ .
White. So is semen.
So is Fox News.
9. Have you been a good little boy or girl this year?
You’d be better off asking Jill for her input on that one. For what it’s worth, I have been a loving husband, an attentive father, and a decent person – whatever “decent” means – who inflicted intentional harm on no one, did his share without being a burden on anyone, and tried to instill happiness in all he met. That sounds pretty good to me, though I have also tried to be as naughty as possible without pissing off Santa Claus.
10. Favorite: old/traditional holiday movie? Contemporary (after 1975) holiday movie?
Old/traditional is probably It’s a Wonderful Life. I don’t watch it very often – there was a time when it was in the public domain and would air near-constantly during the holidays – but I have fond memories of getting in from Christmas Eve mass and dinner and catching part of it on one of the local channels before bed. I’ve never been a big fan of Miracle on Thirty-Fourth Street, and much like you can be either an Elvis man or a Beatles man, I always felt like you either liked It’s a Wonderful Life or Miracle on Thirty-Fourth Street, but you couldn’t like both equally. On a somewhat related note, one older holiday movie I’ve never seen but would like to is 1941’s Jingle Belles, if only because it was filmed at the Timberline Lodge, the same hotel that provided exteriors for the Overlook Hotel in The Shining. Read more about it here. As for a more contemporary selection, I’ll probably go with A Christmas Story. While I love such recent holiday films as A Nightmare Before Christmas, Elf, and The Star Wars Holiday Special (don’t hate), those don’t carry with them as many memories and associations from my childhood as does A Christmas Story, which I remember watching every year. These days I try to avoid TBS’s A Christmas Story marathon, if only to prevent the magic from being diluted.
Bonuses – Christmas sex:
What have you done under the mistletoe?
Not much, really. I mean, I’ve kissed under the mistletoe, but generally speaking I don’t need mistletoe to get busy. If you’re trying to ask, for example, if we’ve got mistletoe hanging from our bedroom ceiling above our bed, the answer is no.
Have you caught mommy/daddy kissing Santa Claus? What happened next?
No, I never caught either of my parents kissing Santa Claus, and I’m pretty sure it never happened. My mom always knew that my dad would have beaten both of their asses, and my dad was more into twinks than bears. Being a bear himself, I mean.
Have you had sex in Santa suit?
No. Not even in a Santa hat. Nor boots, nor a big belt. I tend to be naked when I have sex.
Have you had sex with Santa?
Oh boy. You really had to go there, didn’t you? Look, let’s just not go into the fact that every Christmas Eve when I was a kid I would go to bed early so Santa would leave me presents, and then when I’d wake up in the morning my ass would hurt. Let’s just sidestep the entire issue, please.
Just how merry have you made Santa’s helpers?
Well, if Santa’s helpers are the ones constantly monitoring to see whether we’ve been bad or good, and if they like to watch, I have undoubtedly made them very merry. My sexual history has been quite the storied one, and it actually amuses me to think of a bunch of elves or whatever crowded around a computer monitor in the North Pole equivalent of the NSA, stroking their candy canes as they watch me furiously fucking my wife (or whomever).
And you thought elves were creepy before.
Jill’s Answers
1. Which religion or faith do you belong to, if any?
I was raised in a very traditionally Catholic household and I still consider myself Catholic even if I don’t agree with some of the church’s sociopolitical leanings. Really, these days I just like to live my life according to the Golden Rule, and treat others the way I would like to be treated.
2. What is your opinion of Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays?
As someone who celebrates Christmas, my preferred greeting is “Merry Christmas”, but I don’t get upset if someone wishes me Happy Holidays, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah or anything else because good wishes are good wishes regardless of how they’re phrased. I tend to wish a Merry Christmas to the people who I know celebrate Christmas, but I also work at a school where the majority of the students and their families don’t celebrate Christmas. Thus I am used to wishing people Happy Holidays, and writing it on Christmas cards and such for my students and their parents. I fail to see why this is such a big deal.
Because without it, Bill O’Reilly goes back to writing shitty novels.
3. How do you feel about holiday music on the radio?
I love holiday music on the radio! It always puts me in a good mood. One of my favorite Christmas songs is “I’ll Be Home For Christmas.”
4. When do you start decorating? Do you?
We try to decorate right after Thanksgiving (and never before). We really enjoy Christmas music, lights, decorations, and the various other sights and sounds associateed with the holiday, so we always try to get our home decorated as early as possible. This way we can enjoy them for the longest possible period of time.
5. White lights or multi-colored?
Definitely multi-colored! Nothing against white lights, which always remind me of falling snow. But to us, multi-colored Christmas lights are traditional. Just don’t make them flash, please.
6. Gift cards, cash, or actually shopped for presents?
I always shop for presents unless the recipient specifically asks for gift cards or cash. As for what I prefer, definitely gift cards or cash. I do enjoy actually shopped for (or handmade) presents, but as our space is limited these days, it’s nice to have a gift that is somewhat compact, and can be used however I like at a time of my choosing.
7. Christmas cards and/or family update letters?
Neither one this year. In the past we have mailed Christmas cards. My extended family also has an annual Christmas tradition of writing out a short update letter with photos and a recipe. When we get together for my family’s annual Christmas party we exchange them. But Jack and I didn’t bother with that this year either.
8. Fill in the blank: Snow is ______ .
Awesome! I love playing in it! I love building snowmen and making snow angels. I have always loved the snow, but since becoming a mom I love it even more. I wish we had the opportunity to take our daughter to see the snow a bit more often, but it’s a several-hour drive away.
9. Have you been a good little boy or girl this year?
I’ve been very good this year. Too good, actually. Various personal and professional concerns have kind of curtailed my naughtiness the last few months. I’d like to be able to divest myself of these concerns and be a bit naughtier in 2014 than I was in 2013. Wish me luck!
10. Favorite: old/traditional holiday movie? Contemporary (after 1975) holiday movie?
My favorite older holiday movie is How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the 1966 animated special, not the Jim Carrey film from 2000). My favorite contemporary holiday movie is probably The Santa Clause.
Bonuses – Christmas sex:
What have you done under the mistletoe?
Kisses and blowjobs. Of course, I’ve given blowjobs in a lot of places. I like giving blowjobs. There most certainly doesn’t need to be mistletoe overhead.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt.
Have you caught mommy/daddy kissing Santa Claus? What happened next?
Thank goodness I never caught Mommy or Daddy kissing Santa Claus (or doing anything else with him). I’m also very glad that my daughter hasn’t walked in on me while I’ve been wearing my Mrs. Claus nightie (frequently seen in our annual Christmas pictures).
Have you had sex in Santa suit?
Not in a Santa suit, but definitely in a Santa hat, and wearing the aforementioned nightie!
Have you had sex with Santa?
No, I never have. It really isn’t my fantasy, to be perfectly honest. At this point in my life I have to think that having sex with Santa would be like fucking a favorite teacher you had as a child, or better still that fun old uncle who used to take you and your siblings out for ice cream. In other words, creepy.
Now do you get it?
Just how merry have you made Santa’s helpers?
Well, I’ve never fucked the guy in the Santa suit at the mall, if that’s what you’re asking.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!