TMI Tuesday: Let’s Talk About Sex

jackandjillcpl13 Comments
Posted in Funny Hair as Erogenous Zone Queef Sex Education TMI Tuesday voyeurism/exhibitionism Written by Both

Jack’s Answers
1. What sexual act arouses you the most? For that matter, what nonsexual act arouses you the most?
I like watching Jill – or any woman – masturbate. That’s a surefire way to get me worked up. If we’re talking about one- (or two-) on-one sexual activity, oral sex. That gets me pretty aroused. There are lots of things that I like to do sexually, but by the time I’m doing them I’m already aroused. So I’m going to say watching female masturbation, and oral sex. As far as nonsexual acts, eating, followed by depositing large amounts of money in my bank account.
2. What is your signature or “go to” move that is sure to get a lover in the mood for sex?
For Jill, it’s kissing her neck. This turns her into a puddle.
3. Do you queef?
I haven’t yet. I’m honestly not that curious to find out if I would. [EDIT: Technically speaking I guess I can’t queef, as it’s a bodily function that occurs in the vagina only. I suppose that expelling air out of the anus would just be a fart.]
4. What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to YOU as a result of your sex writings (e.g., blog, erotica, sex toy reviews)? (borrowed from Insatiabear)
Hard to say. Nothing immediately comes to mind. Despite the fact that we’re super-hot sex bloggers who Tweet naughty pictures and regularly participate in OHNT, we’re pretty much regular people and no aliens have seen fit to abduct us for nefarious sexual purposes. Although on Saturday we did go to a sex club as much for the purposes of documenting the experience on our blog as out of general curiosity. It still wasn’t that weird. I’m thinking “weird” would be, say, one of our followers recognizing my wife’s breasts in public.
5. Have you ever had sex while someone watched?
…someone else was in the room?
…someone else in the bed, next to you and the person you’re having sex with?
What were the circumstances?
Yes. Before I met Jill, a girlfriend and I used to have semi-regular same-room sex with another couple, and it was pretty hot. Since meeting Jill, we’ve had same-room sex with a different couple (in the dark), same-room oral, and invited a single friend of ours over to watch us fuck. We’ve also had threesomes, which included Jill and I fucking while our third watched, or possibly texted or checked Facebook on her phone. [EDIT: I’m not sure how neither Jill nor I remembered to include mention of our sex club adventures this weekend. They certainly qualify.]
6. When it comes to sex, and discussing it with your teen have you or would you:
a. Let school sex education handle it
b. Hand the teen a book or point them to a website
c. Talk frankly and openly
d. Avoid it all together–society, friends, and the internet will give all the info needed
I’m tempted to say (d), let society, the internet, etc. do our work for us. That’s how I learned about sex, and I have no regrets whatsoever. However, by the time our daughter is in need of sex ed, I can’t imagine what kind of information (or more likely, misinformation) will be circulating around the playground, be it an actual playground or a virtual one. Therefore I suppose we’d better do our job as parents and talk to her. You have no idea how badly I wish I could just refer her to a reputable and sex-positive website like Scarleteen, and leave it at that, but despite my innate lack of comfort talking sex with my child, I hope that I will overcome it and be able to use said website as a supplement to our talks. Then again, by the time our daughter is a teenager we might very well be nearing senility.
Click Here, it’s important
Bonus: Remember the song, “I’m too sexy?” CLICK to refresh your memory
What are you too sexy for?
My clothes. There is nothing that I can possibly wear that could make me hotter than I am without it.
Jill’s Answers
1. What sexual act arouses you the most? For that matter, what nonsexual act arouses you the most?
The sexual act that arouses me the most is probably being kissed all over my body, not just in the places you’d expect. My neck, my shoulders, my stomach, my thighs, my feet. Do that to me and you’ll make me very wet without even touching my pussy. The nonsexual act is definitely getting my hair washed. That turns me on so much that I once had an orgasm while at the hairdresser.
2. What is your signature or “go to” move that is sure to get a lover in the mood for sex?
In the case of Jack, kissing him while placing my hand on his cock, or placing his hand between my legs.
3. Do you queef?
Yes, sometimes when I’ve been fucked from behind. Sometimes Jack pumps a lot of air into me that way. It’s got to come out somehow.
4. What’s the weirdest thing that’s happened to YOU as a result of your sex writings (e.g., blog, erotica, sex toy reviews)? (borrowed from Insatiabear)
I don’t think anything weird has happened as a result of our blogging and Tweeting. We have been asked by Eden Fantasys to review sex toys, and while it was out of the ordinary I wouldn’t say it was weird. Nothing really weird has happened to us, but I wouldn’t mind if something did, as long as it was hot.
5. Have you ever had sex while someone watched?
…someone else was in the room?
…someone else in the bed, next to you and the person you’re having sex with?
What were the circumstances?
Yes, I have done this. I frequently masturbate while Jack watches. I know that this isn’t what was meant, but I thought I would include it. I have had penetrative sex with other people in the room. Once, Jack and I invited a friend over to watch us have sex. It was really hot to think that he enjoyed our performance, even though he didn’t whip out his cock and play with it or anything. I’m happy to show off, but I prefer knowing that my audience appreciates it. In fact, before I met Jack I had sex with a guy I was dating, and his roommate came into the bedroom and watched and masturbated. He came all over the place. Now that was hot!
6. When it comes to sex, and discussing it with your teen have you or would you:
a. Let school sex education handle it
b. Hand the teen a book or point them to a website
c. Talk frankly and openly
d. Avoid it all together–society, friends, and the internet will give all the info needed
Our daughter is not yet a teen, so we have not yet addressed the topic of sex. We understand the need to possibly address it before the teen years, but at less than two years old, it’s probably not a priority right now. We understand that she will probably pick up some information from friends, as this is where Jack and I got much of our sexual education. But we would like to be able to have open, honest discussions about sex with her, and for her to feel like she can ask us anything without fear of punishment or ridicule. If she is not comfortable talking to us about it, as neither of us were comfortable talking about sex with our own parents, she has many aunts who are more than willing to talk with her about it.
Click Here, it’s important
Bonus: Remember the song, “I’m too sexy?” CLICK to refresh your memory
What are you too sexy for?
My job. There are things I do sexually that, if made public, could jeopardize my career.

Sunday Stealing: The W.T.F. Meme: Promoting A New, Great Meme

jackandjillcplLeave a comment
Posted in Funny Not Sexy Sunday Stealing Written by Both

Today we ripped off a blogger named Jennifer from her meme blog W.T.F. She’s taken on the challenge of hosting a meme three times a week on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. The questions she asks are unique. She works hard at it and I asked if we might steal 20 random questions (her memes are usually 8 or 9) to both challenges our players and to promote her meme.
So we are asking you to join us starting Wednesday. We know it’s a long way to Hump Day and Jennifer’s next W.T.F. Meme on Wednesday. So if you like these questions, write a note to join us starting on this Wednesday! [NOTE: We may or may not do this.] We have nothing to do with her meme, other than enjoying participating in it. So I was happy when she gave me her permission to promote the blog in search of players. Take the time to comment on other player’s posts. It’s a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!
Cheers to all of us thieves!
Jack’s Answers
1. One of my favorite TV shows recently changed the actors who played two characters. Have you ever been bothered by a TV show or movie series changing actors who play a character you love? While I’m sure I have been bothered, I can’t readily think of any instances in which this has happened and I have been particularly upset by it. Yeah, I know the example everyone points to is the Dick York/Dick Sargent switch on Bewitched, but other than the requisite “switching dicks” joke, it really didn’t effect me in the slightest. Bewitched went off the air four years before I was born, and I only ever knew of it as a syndicated rerun. And while I remember the changes that occurred on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Roseanne – the latter eventually changing back to the original actress near the end of the show’s run – neither one particularly bothered me. I suppose that, had a dramatic series I enjoyed been forced to recast, this might have affected me more than a sitcom.
2. A coworker recently shared a link to a blog listing the “five things you should know before dating a journalist.” As a journalist, I can honestly say the writer was spot-on. What are some things people should know before spending time with you?
1. I have a very dry and at-times unpredictable sense of humor.
2. If we have sex, you may never be able to have sex with anyone else ever again. (Needless to say, I never told anyone this during my single days, but they would certainly have been better off knowing.) While I am proud of my sexual abilities, this is not something about which I am particularly happy; I would much prefer it if I was a mediocre lover, and casual conquests didn’t become so clingy.
3. I’m a geek.
4. I watch very little television, and have almost zero interest in the current popular culture. I will do my best to keep up with any discussion thereof, but if our friendship requires that I watch Jersey Shore, it’s doomed to fail.
5. I’m a stickler for correct grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. I try not to judge anyone else for not adhering to the rules as I do, but it is admittedly difficult.
3. What is something you often do without realizing that you’re doing it? I’m kind of a smart-ass. Some people get this, and can tolerate my smart-assedness. Others don’t, but play along because they like me and want to be friends. As a result there have been occasions where I’ve said something that’s offended someone or that they’ve taken personally. But no offense was meant, and the last thing I would ever do is deliberately piss someone off. Well, most people, anyway.
4. Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you so angry? I don’t know. I don’t really get crazy scary fly-off-the-handle angry. I lose my patience, sure, but I don’t think anyone in my life causes me the sort of blood-vessel-blowing fits of anger described in the question. If someone made me that insane with rage, I doubt I’d keep them around very long. Even the people I’ve recently cut out of my life didn’t make me angry so much as they made me feel pity and think, “These people have no place in my life or the lives of my family.”
5. If a fairy waved a magic wand and gave you the house of your dreams, where would it be and what features would it have? As far as location goes, any relatively safe neighborhood in our general area is fine; we wouldn’t need it to be on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean (hello mudslides) or anything out of the ordinary. The house would need to sit on a couple acres of land and come with free landscaping for life. It would include at least four or five bedrooms, among them a large master bedroom with attached master bathroom; spacious state-of-the-art kitchen as we both love to cook; some sort of area, ideally a large room with a couch or other comfortable chair where I can surround myself with books and read, or bring my laptop and write; a media room suitable for watching movies alone or entertaining company; a large playroom (i.e. not a bedroom) for our daughter that can be easily reconfigured to suit her as she gets older and presumably brings friends to play; and a yard which would include a hot tub, outdoor kitchen, dining area, and a decent-sized lawn on which Jill and I could have sex under the sun or the stars.
6. What’s a belief that you hold with which many people disagree? Definitely religion.
7. I used to talk in my sleep. In fact, I could carry on a conversation with someone when I was fully asleep, and my mom used this fact when I was a teenager to find out if I did anything wrong and was hiding it from my parents. If you were talking your sleep tonight, what do you think you would say? I usually go to sleep thinking about sex. (I’m usually thinking about it when awake as well.) I have no idea whether I talk in my sleep, but if I did I’m guessing I’d be talking about sex.
8. The fourth installment of the “Twilight” movie series (“Breaking Dawn Part I”) will be released in theaters soon. Movie theaters started selling advance tickets for midnight showings months ago. Have you ever attended a midnight premiere showing of a movie? Yep. I’ve done quite a few midnight premieres in my time. The most recent – and the only one since our daughter was born – was the last Harry Potter movie. Before we were parents, we used to go all the time, especially in summer as Jill’s and my own work schedules allowed the occasional night sitting in a movie theater until two-thirty or three. Now, though, such events are pretty rare, and judging by the crowd of hooligans at the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 showing we attended, this may be for the best. I’m not kidding. It felt like a prison riot in there.
9. On Tuesday, tigers, lions and bears were let loose in Zanesville, Ohio, by their owner before he committed suicide, leading to a hunt in which 49 of the animals, including 18 endangered Bengal tigers, were killed. How would you react if you saw “Caution exotic animals. Stay in your vehicle” being displayed on a road sign? I think I would have to obey the sign.
10. If a company opened a theme park aimed at adults, what would you name one of the rides? A Trip Through the Reproductive System. At one of two boarding stations fashioned to look like the testicles, riders board a several-seat car fashioned to look like a sperm cell, and blast off from the epididymis on a twisting, turning trip through the vas deferens and the prostate, and down the length of the penis before rocketing into the vagina, where their car will either take one path and zoom through the “egg” exit, or else find no egg and simply exit. (I’ve taken a note from the rides of the Disney theme parks as it’s been shown that variations minor and major make participants want to ride multiple times.)
11. Imagine you just moved onto Sesame Street. Which puppet would you want as your new roommate? I don’t know which one I would want, but I can think of a few I wouldn’t want. No Oscar the Grouch, for obvious reasons. No Elmo, because he’s an annoying dipshit. No Cookie Monster, because it seems like he’s got deep-rooted psychological issues and also because I doubt I’d ever get to eat a single fucking cookie while living with him. No Count, because he’s a vampire and I don’t want him trying to turn me or any women I bring home. Maybe the Amazing Mumford, because magicians seem to get a lot of action and I would be happy with his cast-offs. Whichever puppet I am saddled with, I would insist that the puppeteer be female, as I imagine our living arrangement will cause some sexual tension, and when this is eventually consummated I’d rather receive a handjob from a female puppeteer than a male one.
12. Have you ever had a weird crush on a famous person that didn’t make sense to you? I’ve never had a weird crush on a famous person that didn’t make sense to me. All of the famous people I’ve had crushes on have been appealing to me on some level, if not physically then for some other reason that is perfectly logical. The closest thing I can think of that would fit the question’s parameters is my desire to hate-fuck Ann Coulter, as long as there was no chance that she would become clingy.
13. If you get ten minutes to interview any celebrity of your choice, who would you like it to be? Some well-regarded and hot actress, singer or other celebrity. (Forgive me, but I haven’t a clue who fits these days. I’m that out of touch.) My reasoning is that ten minutes – or even five – is all I need to seduce this person. I have no desire to interview any random actor or actress for the purpose of asking them about their motivation in whatever role earned them the Oscar. I don’t have any interest in picking their brains. I don’t even care about being in their presence so I can say that I did. But sex? Yes, I’ll gladly have sex with someone for the purposes of making my friends jealous.
14. You’ve just won the complete DVD collection of all the movies starring one actor or actress. Which actor/actress would you pick? I’m going with Asia Carrera.
15. Actor George Clooney recently told People Magazine that he doesn’t use Twitter “because I will drink in the evening and I don’t want anything that I could possibly write at midnight to actually end my career.” What is something you’ve said through social media and then regretted it? I tend to be pretty cautious when social networking. Although, as a sometime writer, I find that a bit of alcohol helps the creative juices flow, I don’t usually Tweet, Facebook or blog while in an altered state of consciousness. When drinking I have occasionally said to Jill, “I hope I Tweeted that and didn’t post it to Facebook,” but I’m always kidding. I sometimes post political stuff which will occasionally get me a contradictory comment from someone who thinks along different lines, but I certainly don’t regret it. Oh wait! There was that time I checked into a nearby creek and stated that I was dumping a body there. I probably shouldn’t have done that. Oh well; water under the bridge, literally.
16. VH1 has re-introduced its hit show “Pop-Up Video,” which gives behind-the-scenes facts for popular music videos. What musician would you be most interested in learning behind-the-scenes facts about? I would like to know more about Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, specifically his favorite pizza toppings. He seems like a Canadian bacon kind of guy. Let me know when they air that one.
17. If you stumbled across someone’s personal written journal that was accidentally left in a public place, would you read any of the content? No. I’m not the sort to invade anyone’s private thoughts. And given that a nosy relative once read my own journal – yes, I kept a journal. So? – I’m doubly against such invasions of privacy.
18. What is the title of a self-help book that you’d never want to see on a store bookshelf? Blackmail Your Way to an ‘A’!
19. Many media outlets have been asking this question a lot this week… Which Halloween costume do you think will be overdone this year? I can think of a few, but while we were out last night we saw a multitude of Jack Sparrows. One of the people in our group was Jack Sparrow. There was an Asian Jack Sparrow at the next table, and one of the bartenders was also dressed like him. At the Power Exchange we saw at least two different Jack Sparrows: A tall and skinny one hung out in the lounge, while another stockier Captain Jack took part in a flogging scene downstairs.
20. Should a marriage license have a renewal date or expiration date, like a driver’s license? No. A marriage license isn’t a license to be or remain married. It’s a license to get married once. I have no idea whether such licenses actually do expire or require renewal if not used, but I would have thought that, upon actually getting married, the license expires, and would need to be renewed anyway. If it did expire over time, it wouldn’t be akin to terminating the marriage. That is what is known as divorce. This question made my head hurt.
Jill’s Answers
1. One of my favorite TV shows recently changed the actors who played two characters. Have you ever been bothered by a TV show or movie series changing actors who play a character you love? When I used to watch soap operas it would irritate me when they would change actors. I don’t remember ever being upset by this happening in a regular show that was not a soap opera, or a movie series.
2. A coworker recently shared a link to a blog listing the “five things you should know before dating a journalist.” As a journalist, I can honestly say the writer was spot-on. What are some things people should know before spending time with you?
1. I am very family-oriented. My family means a lot to me and anyone who spends a lot of time with me should be okay with my family. But they are great people, and they love to party, so I don’t think it will be a problem.
2. Lack of sleep makes me very easily irritated. It also causes me some short-term memory loss.
3. If you find my G-spot, you’d better have towels handy.
4. I am a teacher, which means that there is no other job in the world that I can do that will give me the slightest bit of satisfaction. Although actually earning a decent wage is probably nice too.
5. If you give me a plant, don’t expect it to be alive the next time you come visit.
3. What is something you often do without realizing that you’re doing it? I often play with my hair without realizing that I’m doing it. I run my fingers through it and play with my curls. Jack says it’s sexy.
4. Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you so angry? My first response would be to feel hurt by the actions of a callous or toxic person, as opposed to angry. Fortunately I don’t surround myself with this kind of person, so I don’t find myself being hurt or angry too often. Now if someone was to try and hurt my daughter, you would see some anger. But it wouldn’t last long as I would deal with the offense quickly and decisively and be back to my usual happy self.
5. If a fairy waved a magic wand and gave you the house of your dreams, where would it be and what features would it have? My dream house would be in our current area, as I like the weather and it’s close to not only family and friends, but the beach. It would have at least five bedrooms, four baths, and a huge kitchen with stainless steel appliances, marble countertops, and a Wolfe gas stove. The master suite would need to have a gas-powered fireplace as I don’t want to deal with wood. The huge backyard would include a gazebo and a pool, with an attached hot tub and fountain. Best of all, the house would have a four car garage that included four brand-new cars that were guaranteed never to break down. The house would come with free gardening and maid service, as well as a chef who didn’t cook every night, but did all of our grocery shopping and cooked when needed.
6. What’s a belief that you hold with which many people disagree? I believe in treating everybody with respect regardless of their beliefs, politics or external qualities. I initially said treat others as you want to be treated , but I changed it as I think most people believe in this but don’t practice it.
7. I used to talk in my sleep. In fact, I could carry on a conversation with someone when I was fully asleep, and my mom used this fact when I was a teenager to find out if I did anything wrong and was hiding it from my parents. If you were talking your sleep tonight, what do you think you would say? I’d probably be talking about how hot it was to have so many hands caressing my body Saturday night while Jack sucked my breasts and fingered my pussy. In my dreams, however, in addition to the guys there probably would be a lot more women touching me (and being touched by me).
8. The fourth installment of the “Twilight” movie series (“Breaking Dawn Part I”) will be released in theaters soon. Movie theaters started selling advance tickets for midnight showings months ago. Have you ever attended a midnight premiere showing of a movie? I love midnight showings. I never went to any before I met Jack, but it’s something we have done quite a bit. After waking up at 5 AM, sometimes it can be a chore to stay up until a midnight showing ends. It can be even harder to get up at 5 AM the next morning. When we went to see Watchmen at midnight in March 2009, I remember really liking the movie, although I must have dozed off at one point or another because when we got home at about 3:30 AM, I asked Jack why Brad Pitt was in one scene of the movie. “He wasn’t in the movie,” Jack said with an incredulous laugh. “That was the trailer for Inglourious Basterds.” What can I say? I was exhausted. I would also like to explicitly state that there is no chance that I will be seeing Breaking Dawn at four in the afternoon, let alone midnight.
9. On Tuesday, tigers, lions and bears were let loose in Zanesville, Ohio, by their owner before he committed suicide, leading to a hunt in which 49 of the animals, including 18 endangered Bengal tigers, were killed. How would you react if you saw “Caution exotic animals. Stay in your vehicle” being displayed on a road sign? I’d stay in my vehicle, and then probably drive elsewhere for the day.
10. If a company opened a theme park aimed at adults, what would you name one of the rides? The Pleasure Zone. It would be a virtual-reality attraction where you have your deepest, most intense fantasies fulfilled in the course of a twenty-second ride.
11. Imagine you just moved onto Sesame Street. Which puppet would you want as your new roommate? Grover. He’s lovable and furry and he seems like he’d be fun. I would say Big Bird but he lives in a nest and I don’t want to live in a nest.
12. Have you ever had a weird crush on a famous person that didn’t make sense to you? I’ve had crushes on Kirk Cameron and Michael J. Fox, and both seemed valid at the time. It was the 1980s. To be honest I had more of a crush on their TV characters than on the actors themselves. My crush on Kirk Cameron seems weird today given his religious leanings which don’t appeal to me at all.
13. If you get ten minutes to interview any celebrity of your choice, who would you like it to be? I can’t think of any celebrities I find interesting enough to interview. I think I’m kind of over celebrities at this point in my life.
14. You’ve just won the complete DVD collection of all the movies starring one actor or actress. Which actor/actress would you pick? Maybe Tom Hanks? I like a lot of Tom Hanks movies.
15. Actor George Clooney recently told People Magazine that he doesn’t use Twitter “because I will drink in the evening and I don’t want anything that I could possibly write at midnight to actually end my career.” What is something you’ve said through social media and then regretted it? I don’t think I’ve ever done this. However, I’ve had to be very careful not to post anything fun I did after calling in sick to work. For example I’ve had to avoid checking in or Facebooking about fun trips we’ve taken. I wish I had some lurid story about accidentally posting a picture of my hoo-hah on Facebook that I could share with you. Or actually, I’m really glad I don’t have that kind of story. My point is, I’ve never done that.
16. VH1 has re-introduced its hit show “Pop-Up Video,” which gives behind-the-scenes facts for popular music videos. What musician would you be most interested in learning behind-the-scenes facts about? Billy Joel. He’s my favorite musician. I would like to know more about him, and I don’t feel like rooting around in his trash.
17. If you stumbled across someone’s personal written journal that was accidentally left in a public place, would you read any of the content? No. I wouldn’t want this done to me, and I prefer to treat people the way I would like to be treated. Jack has done much journaling and all of his writing is accessible to me, but the last thing I would ever think to do is read any of it unless asked to do so.
18. What is the title of a self-help book that you’d never want to see on a store bookshelf? Perform Your Own Colonoscopy and Save!
19. Many media outlets have been asking this question a lot this week… Which Halloween costume do you think will be overdone this year? For kids, Rapunzel. Thanks to Tangled, we’ve already seen lots of kids dressed up as Rapunzel. For adults, I’m guessing there are many people going as “Occupy Wall Street” protesters, or well-dressed “We are the 1%” people. We saw a few of those last night.
20. Should a marriage license have a renewal date or expiration date, like a driver’s license? Of course not! The whole point of licensing is for the state to get money. Mandatory renewals means we have to pay again. Fuck that.

Dr. Anton Phibes’ Abominably Erudite, Musically Malignant, Cursedly Clever Halloween Horror Movie Quiz

jackandjillcpl1 Comment
Posted in Dark Shadows Halloween Horror Movies Movie Trailers Not Sexy Vincent Price written by Jack


I found this survey at Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule and decided to take part. I’m a die-hard horror fan, and as it’s nearly Halloween I thought why not? With the multitude of memes in which we take part each week, this blog has come a long way from its humble origins as a mere record of our sex life. If you don’t happen to fancy horror as a cinematic genre, I won’t take it personal if you decide to skip this entry. If you do – or if you’re willing to go along for the ride – you might get an idea as to what, beyond sexy naked women, makes me tick.

-Jack

1) Favorite Vincent Price/American International Pictures release.



While AIP is responsible for many of the horror films I love, including the eight Poe-flavored Vincent Price/Roger Corman films, without a doubt, my favorite film from this category is The Abominable Dr. Phibes.  I read about this one in back issues of Famous Monsters of Filmland when I was a budding horror geek (I remember discovering that it was Vincent Price’s 100th film), and upon finally viewing it I was captivated, not only by Price’s performance, but by the character of Phibes himself, a disfigured madman hell-bent on revenge against the doctors he believes responsible for the death of his wife.  Under the direction of Robert Fuest, The Abominable Dr. Phibes is as full of over-the-top action set-pieces as any big-budget summer blockbuster.  The film climaxes with a heart-pounding scene involving an acid trap that seems almost like a precursor to the Saw movies.  Watch the trailer:

2) What horror classic (or non-classic) that has not yet been remade would you like to see upgraded for modern audiences?

I am largely unimpressed by the recent spate of Hollywood horror remakes.  I feel they are crass big-budget spectacles that almost totally lack the frequently small-budget charm of the originals.  But Jack, you may say, your beloved Frankenstein was a remake.  Well, technically not; Universal’s 1931 version of Frankenstein, directed by James Whale, is actually an adaptation of the Mary Shelley novel, and not a remake of the earlier Thomas Edison film, but I see your point.  I don’t dislike all remakes; I simply miss the days when Hollywood may not have had any original ideas, but they did a better job of packaging them with new titles.  Though technically not a horror film, the film that I think could actually stand a big-budget remake is Toho’s 1962 film King Kong vs. Godzilla.  A legendary monster mash, I’ve enjoyed this film – a classic in my book, at least – for decades.  It’s a film that could stand a more dynamic approach, ideally produced and directed by fans of the giant monster genre, but only if the monsters are realized practically.  No CGI whatsoever.  Watch the trailer for the 1962 film:

3) Jonathan Frid or Thayer David?
I’ve never watched Dark Shadows, but I’ll say Jonathan Frid as I am at least familiar with his character of Barnabas Collins.

4) Name the one horror movie you need to see that has so far eluded you.

I can’t think of too many horror essentials that I’ve yet to see, as I spent my formative years reading about so-called must-see horror movies and then tracking them down at local video stores or watching them on cable.  I’m sure there are some newer horror films that sound good and which I’d like to check out, but no absolute musts, no movies that might make a fellow genre lover say, “You haven’t seen that one yet?  Dude – get on that already!”  The only one I can think of is, perhaps, Dan Curtis’ 1975 TV movie Trilogy of Terror, starring Karen Black and a Zuni fetish doll.  I’m not sure why I haven’t seen this one yet; I’m pretty sure I have a copy around here somewhere.

5) Favorite film director most closely associated with the horror genre.

John Carpenter, whose filmography reads like a list of must-see horror films.  Carpenter might still enjoy the “favorite” designation were his sole contribution to the genre 1978’s seminal slasher Halloween.  In my opinion, Halloween is an essential modern horror film.  Perhaps the essential modern horror film.  It reinvented the horror genre, and gave rise to legions of inferior clones, including Friday the 13th.  Without Halloween, the slasher movie cycle of the late ’70s and early ’80s may never have taken place.  (Yes, I’m aware that 1974’s Black Christmas is considered by many to be the true father of the genre, but no less of an authority than Sean Cunningham has stated that it was Halloween that he was trying to rip off with Friday the 13th.)  Additionally, the fact that Carpenter performed a variety of other roles in addition to directing, frequently writing, producing, acting and contributing memorable musical scores, makes him a very versatile jack-of-all-trades.

6) Ingrid Pitt or Barbara Steele?

Ingrid Pitt.  While I am familiar with the work of Barbara Steele, especially her dual roles in Mario Bava’s 1960 film Black Sunday and 1961’s Roger Corman adaptation of The Pit and the Pendulum, I am much more familiar with Ingrid Pitt’s performances in Hammer’s early-’70s offerings The Vampire Lovers and Countess Dracula.

7) Favorite 50’s sci-fi/horror creature.


If I’m being absolutely serious, I’m going with the Gill Man, the title character of Universal’s classic 1954 film Creature From the Black Lagoon.  What’s not to like?  Millicent Patrick’s design is intricate and wildly exotic, the face managing to be both scary and sympathetic.  Equally at home on land as underwater, the Gill Man attacks and kills humans only because they intrude on his territory, making this one akin to an early conservationist parable.  

Watch the trailer:

If I’m being less serious, I’ll choose Ro-Man, the main baddie from the craptacular 1953 cult classic Robot Monster.  

I am a fan of schlocky 1950s sci-fi and horror and I’ve seen many of the best-known and most-ridiculed films of this genre.  However, none of them present a character as ridiculous as Ro-Man, an alien – or is it a robot? – invader portrayed by actor George Barrows wearing a gorilla suit and a diving helmet.  

Watch the trailer:

8) Favorite/best sequel to an established horror classic.


Bride of Frankenstein.  As a fan of the Universal horror films of the ’30s and ’40s, I was exposed to James Whale’s adaptation of Frankenstein at an early age.  Though unquestionably a horror classic and quite fun to watch, this film is sadly very dated.  Not just because it’s in black and white, as are virtually all films of the era; or because the entire cast (as far as I can tell) is dead, including then-seven-year-old Marilyn Harris, who played the young girl inadvertently drowned by Karloff’s childlike Monster.  It’s dated because, at the time of its release in 1931, sound had only been a component of feature films for a few years.  Frankenstein is a quiet movie that in some ways doesn’t quite live up to the potential of the sound era.  Additionally, Whale’s extensive experience as a director of stage plays may have contributed to the film’s staid quality, which included many very straightforward, static camera shots.  (A relative to whom I showed the film compared it to watching security camera footage, though I wouldn’t go quite that far.)  Despite the fact that both Frankenstein and Bride of Frankenstein were directed by the same man, and that a mere four years passed between the films, Bride is the polar opposite of the original.  Infused with jolts (no pun intented) of gallows’ humor, Bride of Frankenstein also makes the most of sound, featuring a memorable score by Franz Waxman; and there is much use made of lighting, camera placement, and overt symbolism and iconography.  Additionally, the film features one of the most intriguing characters from the classic Universal pantheon, Ernest Thesiger’s Dr. Pretorius, not to mention Elsa Lanchester’s iconic turn as the Monster’s Mate.


Watch the trailer:

9) Name a sequel in a horror series which clearly signaled that the once-vital franchise had run out of gas.


The first movie that came to mind when I read this question was Alien Resurrection.  Alien and Aliens are two of my all-time favorite sci-fi films, though I was underwhelmed by David Fincher’s 1992 follow-up Alien 3.  While my enjoyment of Alien 3 has increased with repeat viewings, Alien Resurrection represents the series’ nadir.  I don’t find the designs of the aliens compelling, and the plot contrivance of bringing Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley back as a clone simply doesn’t work for me.  Watch the trailer:

I have similar feelings about Hammer’s 1970 film The Horror of Frankenstein.  



I found Ralph Bates, who played the title role, to be a poor substitute for Peter Cushing, whose Baron Frankenstein had been a staple of Hammer’s Frankenstein films since the series’ inception.  Additionally, I didn’t care for the way this film restarted the films’ continuity, and since the follow-up, 1974’s Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell, reinstates Cushing, it’s easy to overlook this one.  Watch the trailer:

10) John Carradine or Lon Chaney Jr.?




Chaney by a mile.  Although Chaney’s portrayal of Frankenstein’s Monster falls far short of Karloff’s (or even, arguably, Glenn Strange’s), the dual role that he came to regard as “my baby”, the Wolf Man and his alter-ego Lawrence Talbot, was solely his.  He brought much pathos to the character’s five appearances, even in the series’ comedic swan-song Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.  The one character both actors played to which I feel Carradine was better suited was Dracula, a role he played in Universal’s House of Frankenstein and House of Dracula, as well as William “One-Shot” Beaudine’s bargain-basement 1966 schlock classic Billy the Kid vs. Dracula.  Though he can’t hope to match the authenticity of Bela Lugosi’s performance, Carradine’s Shakespearean background serves him well as the Transylvanian Count.

11) What was the last horror movie you saw in a theater? On DVD or Blu-ray?
Theater?  Got me.  We make it out to the movies pretty rarely these days, owing to our refusal to bring a young child into a movie theater for a kid-friendly movie, much less a horror film; as well as a scarcity of babysitters in our area and the extensive planning that must now go into theater-going.  As parents, we are no longer able to spontaneously go see a movie.  Accordingly we see most of our movies in the relative comfort of our own home, where the penalty for answering a cell phone during a movie is no more popcorn for you.  The last movie we saw was Halloween III:  Season of the Witch, which we watched last night once the baby had gone to bed.  Of course, we’ve seen it many times; the most recent new horror film we saw was Scream 4.
12) Best foreign-language fiend/monster.

Godzilla, hands down.  I’ve long been a fan of the King of the Monsters, and like James Bond, I enjoy watching the character develop and evolve – or at times devolve – through the course of a decades-long film series.  And while I love the tone of the 1954 film Gojira, in which the monster’s attack on Tokyo is an allegory for the nuclear attacks on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, as a child I had a soft spot for some of his more fantastical cinematic adventures from the 1960s and 1970s.  Of particular interest to Little Jack was the abyssmal – and I mean abyssmal, even for me as a young child – 1973 offering Godzilla vs. Megalon, which introduced not only the subterranean cockroach monster Megalon, but also the multi-hued (and strangely mute despite his Jack Nicholson-esque grin) Ultraman ripoff Jet Jaguar.  Watch the trailer:
13) Favorite Mario Bava movie.

I would have to say Black Sunday, though I also appreciate Twitch of the Death Nerve for its influence on the splatter films of the ’80s.
14) Favorite horror actor and actress.
It’s pretty difficult to choose just one from each category, as there are a lot of different factors that would make me choose one actor or actress in particular.  For overall contributions to the genre, I would probably choose Boris Karloff, as he gave horror cinema many iconic performances, not the least of which are Frankenstein’s Monster and the Mummy Im-Ho-Tep in four Universal films in the 1930s; and Jamie Lee Curtis, who demonstrated in Halloween that women in horror films can do more than simply scream and wait for rescue, and set the trend of tough, plucky “final girls” that continues to this day.  Were I choosing recipients for some sort of horror “lifetime achievement award”, I would select Christopher Lee for his extensive body of work; and Daniela Doria for a career of undignified death scenes at the hands of director Lucio Fulci.  I would also like to mention four-time Jason Voorhees actor Kane Hodder, who is remarkably down-to-earth and personable despite his very intimidating signature role; and A Nightmare on Elm Street actress Heather Langenkamp, who may very well have been my first celebrity crush.
15) Name a great horror director’s least effective movie.


John Carpenter’s 1996 film Escape From L.A.  As stated earlier, Carpenter is undoubtedly a great horror director; his career has been distinguished by such beloved genre classics as The Thing, Christine, and my personal favorite, the aforementioned Halloween.  But the follow-up to his 1981 hit Escape From New York suffered from overblown action sequences, and generally feels forced in much the same way that Shock Treatment, the sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show is an attempt to catch lightning in a bottle.  Watch the trailer:
16) Grayson Hall or Joan Bennett?
Again, not a big fan of Dark Shadows, so…
17) When did you realize that you were a fan of the horror genre? And if you’re not, when did you realize you weren’t?
I don’t know when I realized that I was a fan, though it must have been during my early childhood.  I knew that I loved monsters, but I was unaware of the overall significance of this love.  I wouldn’t have said that I was a fan of the horror genre; I just liked scary stuff.  I had lots of monster toys, including Remco’s Universal Mini-Monsters action figures; I checked out all the horror-related reading material I could find at my local library, though I was particularly enamored with Crestwood House’s Monster Series books, the orange covers and spines of which were undoubtedly familiar to any child of the late ’70s and early ’80s; I watched as much horror as I could get my hands on, though at a very young age this proved difficult, and my horror-watching (as opposed to horror-admiring-from-afar) really took off in my pre-teen years.
18) Favorite Bert I. Gordon (B.I.G.) movie.

1957’s The Amazing Colossal Man.  Like Phibes, I fondly remember reading about The Amazing Colossal Man and its pseudo-sequel, the following year’s War of the Colossal Beast, in well-thumbed and worn copies of Famous Monsters of Filmland during my youth.  I first watched both films on VHS in the 1990s – not on Mystery Science Theater 3000, as I imagine many of my contemporaries did – when my obsessive horror fandom led me to buy them sight unseen.  I found both to be campy, yet still thrilling and fun.  The original film wins out as I have always preferred Glenn Langan’s take on the tragic title character over that of Dean Parkin; while the sequel’s interpretation of the lead character features extensive cool-looking prosthetics, Parkin’s lack of dialogue makes the character here less human, and thus less relatable.  Watch the trailer:
19) Name an obscure horror favorite that you wish more people knew about.
Jack Sholder’s 1982 slasher film Alone in the Dark, not to be confused with the indentically-titled 2005 Uwe Boll embarrassment.  Overshadowed on its release by more prominent slasher films including genre giant Friday the 13th Part 3-D, the film concerns a quartet of mental patients who escape the psychiatric facility to which they’ve been remanded, and terrorize their new doctor who they believe murdered his predecessor.  The film is an intriguing study of the fine line between sanity and insanity, and features strong performances by Jack Palance, Martin Landau, and Donald Pleasance.  Watch the trailer:  
Also, the 1981 film Dead & Buried, written by genre greats Dan O’Bannon and Ronald Shusett, tells a bizarre story of murder and resurrection.  As the sheriff of a Rhode Island town investigating strange goings-on, James Farentino comes to learn that the people he thinks he knows best – including himself – may not be what they seem.

Watch the trailer:
20) The Human Centipede— yes or no?
Yes, I’ve seen it.  At first, knowing what I did of the film’s premise, it struck me as something I had to see to believe.  After seeing it, I was convinced that it was intended less as an over-the-top gross-out horror film and more a tongue-in-cheek comedy.  I mean, the surgeon who constructs the title creature is played by an actor named Dieter Laser.  You can’t make this shit up.

As God is my witness, the guy’s name is Dieter Laser.


21) And while we’re in the neighborhood, is there a horror film you can think of that you felt “went too far”?
There are certainly films that are difficult for me to watch.  I found A Serbian Film to be deeply disturbing (despite the at-times bargain-basement special effects) and a film I doubt I’ll re-watch.  Likewise the Japanese torture porn opus Gurotesuku (Grotesque), known for its ban in the U.K., is a mean-spirited collection of brutal special effects sequences, though its most egregious offense is the negligible excuse for a story that links said sequences.  But to say that I feel any film goes too far is inaccurate.  I don’t concern myself with violent action taken by a viewer supposedly because of a violent film, and as long as no one was actually harmed on-screen I don’t see a problem with extreme imagery.  Wait.  I take that back.  Perhaps Cannibal Holocaust, which depicts the actual killing and mutilation of animals, went too far.  But then again, I own a copy.

22) Name a film that is technically outside the horror genre that you might still feel comfortable describing as a horror film.
Darren Aronofsky’s Requiem For a Dream.  The film deals with addiction, obsession and insanity, and features some of the most unsettling subject matter and downright horrific imagery I’ve ever seen in a non-horror film.  The prospect of watching Jennifer Connelly – Cliff Secord’s Jenny! – go ass-to-ass with another comely heroin addict may sound alluring, but the film is grueling and leaves the viewer in need of detox afterwards.  

I have no idea whether Jennifer Connelly did her own stunts.
Watch the trailer:

23) Lara Parker or Kathryn Leigh Scott?
Um…hello?  Is this thing on?
24) If you’re a horror fan, at some point in your past your dad, grandmother, teacher or some other disgusted figure of authority probably wagged her/his finger at you and said, “Why do you insist on reading/watching all this morbid monster/horror junk?” How did you reply? And if that reply fell short somehow, how would you have liked to have replied?
I watched Fred Dekker’s 1987 horror comedy The Monster Squad the other night, and this question reminds me of the severe dressing-down given two of the main characters by their school principal.  The only time I remember being lectured about my love of all things horrific, I just stood there and took it.  Rather than providing an intelligent, perfectly-worded counterargument, I looked down at the floor in shame.  Then, in the middle of the night I got a woodcutter’s axe from the toolshed in the backyard, draped myself in plastic bags, and chopped to pieces everyone in the house.  (Ironic considering that the person who had earlier lectured me wasn’t someone who lived in my house.)  Then I threw the bloody remnants into a conveniently-located acid vat.  Actually, I don’t think I was ever chastised for my horror fandom.  It was something that my parents saw as largely harmless; indeed, my mother had grown up watching Hammer’s 1950s and 1960s horror output.  If anyone disapproved, whether grandparents, teachers or clergy, they kept it to themselves.
25) Name the critic or Web site you most enjoy reading on the subject of the horror genre.
I don’t actually read any of these.  I’m familiar with websites like Bloody Disgusting, Dread Central, Shock Till You Drop, and the like.  And I can think of no real reason why, but I’ve never actually gone to one of these sites to browse, only if I’ve followed a link from elsewhere.  And while I’ve been known to peruse the odd horror-related publication in part for reviews, there is no critic whose work I can say I particularly enjoy or look forward to.
26) Most frightening image you’ve ever taken away from a horror movie.

The final shot of The Omen, wherein Damien turns to smile devilishly at the camera while attending the funeral of his parents.  That the film ends with the Antichrist victorious, and the general public unaware of his existence, is suitably scary, as well as bleak, for the end of a horror film.
Additionally, Aunt Harriet, made up to look like the deceased brother Tony in Paranoiac is something that still disturbs me.  I’d seen a still in a book when I was younger, it made me want to see the movie immediately.

27) Your favorite memory associated with watching a horror movie.
There’s no way I can pick just one.  My childhood alone is packed with such memories:  Seeing Frankenstein during an elementary school Halloween party.  Gathering with friends at somebody’s house to watch American Werewolf in London and hearing a chorus of “Rewind it!” during Jenny Agutter’s shower scene.  Being afraid to look out my bedroom window during a late-night viewing of Night of the Living Dead.    
28) What would you say is the most important/significant horror movie of the past 20 years (1992-2012)? Why?

Without a doubt, the answer is Scream.  Prior to its release, the horror genre was dying, or at the very least in decline, with big budget costume dramas like Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein seemingly the order of the day, while ’80s horror franchises continued to breed uninspired sequels.  As far as influence over the future of the genre, I don’t believe anything else comes close.  While I am hesitant to say whether this is a negative or a positive, horror as a whole would be nothing like it is today had Scream never been produced.  Much like Halloween eighteen years earlier, Scream gave rise to a legion of lesser films, notably I Know What You Did Last Summer, and the prominence of so-called torture porn in the last decade seems to be an answer to the wave of lightweight PG-13 horror films released in its wake.  Additionally, though Scream wasn’t the first self-aware horror film, it was more successful at exploiting this hook than, for example, Wes Craven’s New Nightmare.  After growing up in the Reagan ’80s and being told that modern horror was the lowest common denominator, lower even than porn, I can admit that I initially resented the fact the same critics who’d savaged the films I enjoyed growing up now loved Scream because it was tongue-in-cheek.  Watch the trailer:
29) Favorite Dr. Phibes curse (from either film).

I’m going to go with the locusts that devour – quite literally picking her flesh from the bones of – Susan Travers’ character.  
30) You are programming an all-night Halloween horror-thon for your favorite old movie palace. What five movies make up your schedule? 
A middle-of-summer horror-thon would feature five camping-themed films:  Friday the 13th (1980), The Burning (1981), Madman (1982), Sleepaway Camp (1983) and The Blair Witch Project (1999).  A horror-thon made up of Amicus’ 1970s horror anthologies – The House That Dripped Blood (1970), Tales From the Crypt (1972), Asylum (1973), Vault of Horror (1973), and From Beyond the Grave (1973) – would also be fun as I enjoy all of these films.  I would also enjoy programming a “Awful or Out-of-Continuity Installments of Popular Horror Franchises”-themed horror-thon.  It would include any five of the following films:  Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982), A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2:  Freddy’s Revenge (1985), Friday the 13th:  A New Beginning (1985), Friday the 13th Part VIII:  Jason Takes Manhattan (1989), Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994), Wes Craven’s New Nightmare (1994), Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996), Halloween Resurrection (2002), and any installment in the Child’s Play or Leprechaun series.

Flash Fiction Friday: Succubus

jackandjillcpl7 Comments
Posted in Flash Fiction Friday Halloween written by Jack

(Source image: “Battire” by Gernot)

She was pale, gaunt, clad in a dusty burial shroud. The men watched in wide-eyed fascination as she rose from the tenebrous depths of an open grave and approached the crypt. She focused on none of them, but rather stared blankly, staggering ever closer. As she entered the crypt she doffed the shroud. The tattered corset she wore revealed breasts unsuited to a freshly-risen corpse, and the shiny black bat wings extending from her arms were clearly store-bought. The stiletto heels that she wore may have helped her stagger so convincingly.

Music began to play, and she started her dance. Such theatrics! she thought. That’s what I get for working a bachelor party on Halloween. (115)

-Jack

I’m a horror fan, and have been all my life. In fact, I’ve spent the last couple days working on Dr. Anton Phibes’ Abominably Erudite, Musically Malignant, Cursedly Clever Halloween Horror Movie Quiz, and plan to post my answers here on Saturday. This week’s Flash Fiction Friday, which required a maximum word count of 120, and use of the word “tenebrous”, was right up my alley. However, that’s not to say that the prompt didn’t provide a few challenges. Though I had the vampire stripper idea in mind pretty much as soon as I saw the prompt picture , and though this week’s word limit was the highest since October 7, my first draft was much longer than I’d hoped it would be. Given the various details in the prompt picture that begged mention, from the physical qualities and attire of our vampiress (her bare breasts, wings, pale complexion, stockings and heels) to the scenery (the desolate-looking cemetery backdrop and the marble column against which she leans), I knew there wouldn’t be sufficient space to do everything justice and include anything but the most rudimentary story.

In the end, I was able to shave off a few excess descriptive words and in doing so I allowed myself enough room to deliver the twist ending, revealing that our beautiful revenant is actually an exotic dancer working a horror-themed bachelor party. Originally, rather than stating that she was performing on Halloween night, I considered that the bachelor was, much like myself, a fan of horror movies, but that proved too hard to convey given the word limit. “That’s what I get for working a bachelor party on Halloween” fit perfectly, so I went with that instead.

As always, I am unable to post the prompt picture in high-resolution without truncating it. If you’d like to see it in higher quality, take part in the fun, or see who else participated this week, check out Erotic Flash Fiction Friday.

HNT: Getting Ready For a Workout

jackandjillcpl11 Comments
Posted in Creepy Blurred Photo Halloween HNT hot photo of Jill Weight Room written by Jill
I felt like showing off, so I took a few shots of myself with my phone. I haven’t taken many HNT pictures of myself with my phone in a mirror, but I really like the way these turned out, and more importantly, so did Jack when I sent them to him. I hope you like them as well.


Because Halloween is less than a week away, we wanted to include something scary for your viewing pleasure. Unfortunately, Jack and I rarely dress up for Halloween. We aren’t particularly interested in store-bought costumes, and it’s hard to make time to design and assemble better ones. I do wear a costume to my class Halloween party, but as it’s something I wear around children, it’s probably not suitable for an adults-only blog. So we thought we would share this picture of me in the costume I wore for Halloween 2004. I’m sorry for having to blur my face, but my early childhood education colleagues and higher-ups probably wouldn’t be cool with the idea of me blogging about my sexual escapades.
Be sure to visit Osbasso and see who else HNTed this week. Then stop by OHNT and see what else we’re showing off!
-Jill

What’s Wrong With a Little Television?

jackandjillcpl3 Comments
Posted in fact Parenting written by Jill

Image found at Vitamin Vee

As the parents of a baby, Jack and I feel that we are under a lot of pressure to raise our daughter in a responsible manner. We have seen children in our own families reared by parents who are lazy, irresponsible, or otherwise unsuited to the job. Unwilling to see our daughter grow up to be an overindulged, entitled brat used to having everything handed to her and unwilling to challenge herself, we took lessons from these parents, and forced ourselves not to make the same mistakes they did.
As a result of this, one of the things we have tried to limit is our daughter’s television-watching time. We feel that if she is constantly placed in front of the TV, she will be unable to sit still and amuse herself without it. Rather than being able to entertain herself quietly on a long car ride, she will insist upon watching cartoons or other children’s programming. While having TVs and DVD players in one’s car is certainly very common today, it’s not something we want to expose our child to, at least not before she’s two years old. While we have no problem with it in theory, both Jack and I survived our childhoods just fine without needing to watch television during a car ride. Long drives would usually find us reading books in the back seats of our parents’ cars, and we would like our daughter to be the same way, as with any luck this will nurture in her a love of reading, which she is already beginning to demonstrate through a rudimentary interest in books.
Yes, we let her watch television sometimes. She likes the typical Nickelodeon or Disney Channel cartoons that a not-quite-toddler might watch. She dances when she hears their theme songs, and points to the screen and says the characters’ names. Sometimes when we are doing other things, she asks to watch television. Depending on a number of factors we might let her, or we might read her a story or play outside with her instead. Our aim is not to teach her that television is bad (we certainly have no aversion to watching it) but to give her a well-rounded upbringing that involves a variety of experiences. And it seems to be working. Not only is she interested in books, but she regularly asks us to read stories to her. She loves it when we take her on walks or to visit one of the parks in our town, and she is also content to play quietly with her toys.
The purpose of this entry is not self-promotion. We try not to judge other parents unless their failure is so obvious and massive that we can’t avoid it. As parents, neither Jack nor I feel that we have all the answers. But I’m a teacher, and I don’t work during summer. This year, while I was off for two and a half months, Jack and I got accustomed to sex on a daily basis. In fact, some days we had sex twice: Once when the baby took her afternoon nap, and again when she fell asleep for the night. We’ve had plenty of sex since the new school year began, but with the exception of weekends, it’s all been first thing in the morning, or at night just before bed. I like having sex right in the middle of the day. There’s something exciting about stopping what we’re doing, throwing off all of our clothes (or leaving some on), and giving into that persistent need for immediate sexual release.
Jack spent much of the day yesterday sending me very erotic text messages and e-mails. This was incredibly hot but also very frustrating as I was unable to respond. Because of this, I spent my day pretty worked up. As I prepared to leave for the day, I sent Jack a text message to see whether the baby was napping. I was nervous as I waited for his reply, because I work about forty minutes from home, and given her normal sleep schedule she is usually awake by the time I leave, or at the very latest by the time I get home. To my relief, he said she was, and I crossed my fingers that she would remain asleep until an hour after I arrived. Actually, I probably could have gotten off in five minutes. I was that turned on.
When I exited the freeway near our house, I found myself at a stoplight where I sent Jack another text. He said that she was still asleep, and I exhaled. At this point she’d been asleep for almost three hours. She almost never sleeps so long, and while my optimistic side hoped that she was simply catching up on sleep after a somewhat restless night, my pessimistic side said to be prepared to hear the sounds of a playful, happy and very much awake baby when I walked in the door. As I drove the last couple blocks to our house, I prepared myself for this inevitability, and looked on the bright side: While I’d been distracted for much of the day by thoughts of Jack’s cock, I missed my daughter as well, and I was glad to have the opportunity to spend time with her.
When I walked through the front door I was met with silence. No crying – or laughing – baby. No music. No sounds of activity. No television playing a movie Jack had decided to watch while the baby slept. I couldn’t believe our luck! She’d slept for more than three hours at this point. I set down my purse and my keys on the couch, and excitedly headed down the hall to join my husband, who I could see sitting on our bed, waiting for me. He was naked. As I neared our bedroom I stripped down to nothing as well. I imagined what he’d do to me, what we’d do to each other, and I found my wetness hard to contain. I needed an orgasm, and I needed it soon. It wouldn’t take me long. Then the baby woke up just as I passed her bedroom.
Fuck it, I thought as I detoured to her crib and lifted her into my arms. She was glad to see me, and I held her, kissed her, and talked to her for a few minutes. Then I carried her into the TV room, sat her down, and turned on the television. One of the cartoons she likes was on. I left lots of books and toys within reach in case she got bored with the show. I don’t think we were being irresponsible. We weren’t parking her in front of the television so that we could get drunk or engage in dangerous behavior. We just wanted sex. Especially me. I stayed with her in the TV room to make sure she was fine being on her own, and then I joined Jack in the bedroom and shut the door.
-Jill

TMI Tuesday: Not Related

jackandjillcpl11 Comments
Posted in Funny Not Sexy Shitty Kid Social Networking TMI Tuesday Violent Crime Report Written by Both

A fun random image to go along with some fun random questions

Jack’s Answers

1. Name 5 things you did more of before social networking (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.)?
Note: These are things I did more of before I began taking part in social networking, not necessarily things I did before social networking actually existed.
1. Called people on the phone
2. Sent e-mails
3. Wondered how some nearly-forgotten acquaintance from junior high school is enjoying life.
4. Slept
5. Mocked smartphone owners for being unable to go five minutes without updating their Facebook status

2. Your house is on fire, what do you grab as you run out?
My daughter. (Presumably my wife is aware of the fire given the fact that it’s very difficult to sleep through my patented undignified “the-house-is-on-fire” screams of terror.) I would probably also grab oour wedding album, since I made the damn thing and it was a hell of a lot of work.

3. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
a. What time did you go to bed last night?
b. What time did you wake up today?
I’m a night owl by nature, and I always have been. However, the fact that I have a daughter who is somehow both a night owl and an early riser means that I’ve had to adjust in the last year and a half. My mother says that this is simply history repeating itself, and having not been fond of sleep as a young child I am now blessed with a baby who feels the same way. I can’t tell you how many mornings I’ve had where, after negligible sleep at best, I’ve begged any theoretical deity out there to let her sleep just one more hour so I could also get some precious rest only to hear her calling me from her crib or worse, crying. It is for this reason that I look forward to, and will take unnatural delight in, waking her up for school when she gets older.
a. I went to bed last night at around 12:30 or 12:45.
b. I woke this morning around seven.

4. A kid comes up to you and kicks you in the shin, what do you do?
Probably swear, likely at the kid, right to his or her face. (“You little motherfucker!” comes immediately to mind.) It’s instinct, really. I don’t know that I would swear out of anger but more out of a reaction to the shock and pain of having said child suddenly kick me. I’ve never been the sort to harm or even touch an unruly child, though I think I would be tempted. I realize that you don’t use physical violence in order to teach a child not to be physically violent; rather, I might harrangue the child verbally, especially if the child was older than, say, four and thus should most certainly know better. Additionally if there is a parent nearby, I think I would politely ask him or her to teach the child some manners.

5. What three things do you never leave the house without?
Pants, my left shoe, and my right one. This is the least amount of clothing I am generally wearing when I walk through my front door whether or not I am going for a run, taking out the garbage, getting the mail, or actually getting in a car and going someplace. I generally wear a shirt as well, though the question asked for three things, not four. If clothing does not count and I must come up with three other things, i.e. three accessories or personal effects, I will go with my phone, as I burst into flames if I am not reachable at all times; my wallet as I like being able to pay for things and drive a car, and that is where I usually keep any cash or cards, as well as my driver’s license; and my keys, which are necessary for locking my front door when I leave, and unlocking it when I return. In addition, I frequently carry my mp3 player, and a pair of ear buds if I’m out for a walk or run; spare batteries for my phone, as my phone uses power far too quickly and without them I am sure to burst into flames; a Canon PowerShot point-and-shoot camera for those occasions when I plan to take lots of pictures but don’t want to kill my phone batteries; and a pair of sunglasses, if necessary.

Bonus: Name a place that you visited last week that you’ve never visited before. Briefly tell us about the visit.
On Saturday we took the baby to a pumpkin farm on the coast, where she ran around like a madwoman, grateful to be out of the car after more than an hour’s drive. She attempted to pick up every single pumpkin she could find, and eventually picked out a small sugar pie pumpkin which, yes, Jill will make into a pie. I’m reasonably certain that I’ve never been to this pumpkin patch before, although as I understand it local elementary schools sometimes take October field trips there, and have for decades, which conceivably could mean that I went there when I was a kid. However, I am going to assume that I have in fact never been there, unless a photo surfaces of me standing by the sign at the main entrance.

Jill’s Answers

1. Name 5 things you did more of before social networking (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.)?
1. Wrote letters
2. Made phone calls
3. Visited people
4. Read books
5. Listened to music

2. Your house is on fire, what do you grab as you run out?
Besides the baby? Our pictures and other things that can’t be replaced.

3. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
a. What time did you go to bed last night?
b. What time did you wake up today?
I’m more of a morning person than a night owl. Because of my schedule, which includes frequent workouts and a forty-five minute commute to and from work (not to mention work itself), by nighttime I have absolutely no energy to spare, and I frequently fall asleep while putting the baby to bed. It’s a miracle that we manage to have as much sex as we do.
a. I went to bed around eleven PM.
b. I woke up this morning around 6:45 AM. I slept way too late, and left the house like – well, like it was on fire.

4. A kid comes up to you and kicks you in the shin, what do you do?
I’d probably ask what the hell he or she thinks he’s doing. Then I’d look for a parent and bring the matter to the parent’s attention. Actually, something like this happened to me once, about eleven years ago. I was teaching a kindergarten class, and one of my students was misbehaving. When I tried to discipline him, he tried to run from the classroom. When I stopped him, he kicked me in the shin, leaving a permanent mark, and tried to run again. When I caught him, I took him to the principal’s office. The principal, having had numerous problems not only with this student but with his elder siblings, decided to call the police in order to get the parents to discipline their shitty kids. A violent crime report was filed, and I still have a copy of it someplace.

5. What three things do you never leave the house without?
My keys, and my purse and my phone. Initially I said “shoes” in place of “phone”, and Jack pointed out that this implies that I sometimes leave the house without pants or a top. I rarely do that anymore.

Bonus: Name a place that you visited last week that you’ve never visited before. Briefly tell us about the visit.
We went to the home of a female friend’s new boyfriend on Saturday night and hung out with them. We’d planned to pick up dinner for them but they’d already eaten, so Jack and I picked up food on the way and when we got there we hung out in the hot tub, drank wine, and had a great time.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Sunday Stealing: The Questions Galore Meme Ends Today With Part 3

jackandjillcpl1 Comment
Posted in Are You Ready to Get Fucked? Cell Phones Ex Pertinacia Victoria Funny I Don't Want to Think on a Sunday My Brain Hurts Oz Quote Politics Rick Perry's an Idiot Sunday Stealing Written by Both
Today we ripped off a blogger named Jenni from the blog Juniper’s Jungle. It’s long, so we will do it in parts. She states that she found this meme Budgies blog. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time. Take the time to comment on other player’s posts. It’s a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

Jack’s Answers

41. What is a quote that you love? “The worst stab wound is the one to the heart. Sure, most people survive it, but the heart is never quite the same. There’s always a scar. Which is meant, I guess, to remind you that – even for a little while – someone made your heart beat faster. And that’s a scar you can live with. Proudly. All the days of your life.” – Augustus Hill (Harold Perrineau), Oz

42. Do you think of pure hate as something humanity created? Having admittedly little understanding of hatred and why it exists, I will guess that pure hate is in fact the creation of humankind. I believe that hate is borne of ignorance and fear, and it is quite possibly instinct or human nature to be afraid of something different, be it a person whose skin color is lighter or darker than one’s own, or a person who doesn’t believe in the same god(s) we do. I can’t say for certain whether an animal such as a dog or a cat holds the capacity for hatred, but I’m guessing that they do not. I doubt that an emotion such as raw, unmitigated hatred, would even make sense to a dog. And cats always seem so damned passive and uninterested in everything.

43. When was the last time you wanted to scream? Probably when my daughter was misbehaving, acting hyper, or talking far too loud for Daddy to tolerate. Rather than screaming, though, I took a deep breath and considered that she was misbehaving because she is a normal child who likes to test her limits. She was hyper because she was fighting sleep, just as I did at her age. She was loud because she is discovering her voice and learning new words daily.

44. Do you ever at times see the world in black and white? Not typically. I am not good at examining abstract topics – I took a single philosophy class in junior college, underperformed and abandoned the field of study altogether – but I also tend not to take a hard-line stance on most situations. I tend to deeply analyze any given issue – some might say overanalyze – and attempt to view things from a multitude of perspectives. Therefore, it’s hard for me to simply adopt a “black or white” position on most issues and leave it at that.

45. Have you ever thought that cell phones are too obtrusive? No. This may be surprising, given how much of an old curmudgeon I must sometimes come off as, but I don’t have much ill to speak of cell phones in general. Sure, some people use them in bad ways; we’ve all been at a restaurant or in line somewhere and had to put up with some vainglorious piece of eye candy talking on her cell phone as though she was trying to be heard over an outboard motor. We’ve all had to deal with the inconsiderate asshole at the movies who answers his phone and begins a conversation while the rest of us are trying to focus on whodunit. But these complaints aren’t against cell phones but rather the people who use them. Generally speaking I appreciate my cell phone as it allows me to stay connected to friends and family, something I greatly value, and any concerns that they may be too obtrusive are essentially a price I am willing to pay for their existence.

46. In your life, where do you thank the rainbow will end? In a bag of Skittles.

47. What is something that you never want to do again? Work for someone who is not myself. Be in trouble with the law. Experience extraterrestrial abduction and rectal probing.

48.When was the first time you realized the world was small? The first time? Probably sometime in the mid-1990s when I began regularly using the internet. Today I feel that people, myself included, take for granted their ability to instantly send an email, or chat in real time – video chat, for that matter – with somebody on the opposite side of the world. But I vividly remember a time when such conveniences were not only nonexistent for the average person but probably not something most of us could even conceive. In the 1980s Skype was essentially Jetsons technology which, along with the flying car, we thought was the stuff of sci-fi legend. More recently, however, our many interactions with all of you – the bloggers who visit our blog, and whose blogs we visit – have shown us just how small the world is. We interact with people from various parts of the world as easily as if we were in the same room. We have enjoyed getting to know all of you. Hey, where’s my flying car?

49. How you spend your time contemplating life’s mysteries? Stoned. Okay, that was a joke. I don’t. Seriously, I don’t spend much time at all contemplating life’s mysteries. Oh, in the past I’ve found myself wondering what happens to all the socks that go missing in the laundry, and I’ve even wondered about the origins and purpose of Stonehenge. But to say that I’ve contemplated these things is a fallacy.

50. Ever discuss your political beliefs with people? Sometimes. I tend not to discuss my political beliefs with strangers, or with people who I know have opposing opinions. I believe that most people are not sufficiently open-minded to engage in civil or intelligent discourse and it is for this reason, and not due to a lack of communication skills or confidence on my part that I don’t feel that I can persuade the average person to see a different side of any given issue. (Despite what my family and friends say, I do not get off on arguing with random people.) I enjoy talking politics with like-minded individuals not because I crave validation, but because it does me good to know that there are rational people in the world.

51. Do you care about the environment? Of course I do. It’s where I live.

52. What’s your motto for life? “Ex pertinacia victoria”, which is Latin for “From determination, victory”. Actually, this is not my motto; I don’t really have one. In trying to come up with a good answer to this question, I discovered the Latin Motto Generator, and in playing around with it, generated this genuine-sounding Latin motto! It’s actually a pretty good expression of my personal philosophy. It may not have been my motto yesterday, but I think it will be my motto tomorrow.

53. Is progress destroying the beauty of the world? Here goes my tendency to avoid viewing an issue in black and white: This is a difficult question to concisely answer. I appreciate progress; I believe that progressing as a society is essential. If we did not progress, we might still be living in caves, sacrificing other humans to the sun. On the other hand, yes, I feel that unchecked progress is decimating the world’s beauty. Much of our rainforests and entire species have fallen in the name of progress. Sometimes I feel that, rather than “progress”, we should use the word “regress” to describe the sort of progress that actually makes the world less beautiful.

54. Do you believe there is life somewhere else in the universe? I don’t know, but I sure hope not. Can you imagine if they’re anything like humans? “First contact” will involve them massacring us en masse, then razing our cities in order to mine our natural resources. Any survivors would be placed in intergalactic zoos and circuses.

55. Would you like to rule a country? Hell no. Look, I understand the allure of power. Small men wish to be thrust into a throne in order to compensate for their size. I do not desire, nor do I need, that kind of power. While I am confident that such power wouldn’t corrupt me, and I suppose that I could use it for good, i.e. to actually better the lives of my subjects, do I really want that responsibility? No, I would rather not be saddled with such a burden. Add to that the fact that, in this day and age, it seems that most people live to complain about the status quo, which refers directly to me and my rule. I’m guessing some disgruntled prick would assassinate me. Yeah, no thanks.

56. Do you believe everything has a purpose? No. I’d love to be able to subscribe to the notion that there is some sort of master plan and that everything in the world is connected. But that’s just not me. With the amount of misery and tragedy we see and hear of on a daily basis, I can’t accept the notion that every occurrence happens for a reason. I can’t accept that there is a purpose when someone sexually assaults and murders, say, a four-year-old girl. I suppose it’s conceivable that the victim might have grown up to be a genocidal maniac, à la Hitler or Milošević, but we still put the killer in prison.

57. Is war ever for the best? Certainly wars can be fought for valid, noble reasons. When a downtrodden people have been oppressed, taking up arms and fighting their oppressors is a much better option than lying down in surrender. In this example fighting may be the only way to change the situation. I do believe that there have been situations where war is for the best, although the cynic in me feels that we have seen nothing but shitty reasons for war of late. And remember the following, immortal words of Bart Simpson: “There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: the American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy.”

58. Could you kill anyone in defense of self or loved ones? I hope so. As I stated in the first installment of this meme two weeks ago, I’d like to think that I would take whatever action was necessary to protect myself or my loved ones. But that most certainly doesn’t mean I would do it with any joy or enthusiasm; while I might want to kill the other person more than I want to die, I wouldn’t like the fact that they put me in this position.

59. How do you react to people (Such as Governor Rick Perry) who don’t believe global warming is really our fault? Rick Perry’s an idiot.

60. Does love conquer all? Though I am not the sort of steroid-amped aggro douchebag who looks for a confrontation everywhere he goes, I don’t believe in turning the other cheek. I feel that adopting a passive stance against the slings and arrows of one’s enemies only allows them to trample you.

61. Is euthanasia morally acceptable? Yes. Provided that it is carried out with the informed consent of the patient, euthenasia is morally acceptable. I hope never to find myself suffering from a terminal illness or otherwise so devoid of quality of life that I no longer want to continue living. However, if I ever am in this position, I would like to be able to die with dignity should I so choose.

62. Is world peace impossible? Impossible? Not necessarily. Likely? Nope.

63. Is pride a good or a bad thing? Despite its designation as one of the Cardinal Sins, at its simplest level pride is a very good thing. Pride makes us throw trash in a proper receptacle, and not on the ground. Pride makes us live in clean houses. It makes us brush our teeth, comb our hair, and wear clean clothing. All of these actions have been shown to improve the lives of those who participate in them. However, pride makes us try out for American Idol when we clearly can’t sing and aren’t even interesting enough to be regarded by viewers as “that really weird contestant.” Pride makes us wear a speedo on the beach when we should be wearing a muumuu. Pride makes us post pictures of ourselves on Facebook making that weird duck face that’s totally not hot. Pride really sucks.

64.What do you think is the purpose of your life? To make sarcastic comments and post pictures of my wife on our sex blog.

65. Do you believe in karma? No. I wish I did; I don’t really believe in religion and since Hell is thus out of the question it would be nice if I could at least believe that the jerkoff who cut in front of me in line in the grocery store would at least receive some sort of cosmic ass-kicking when the bagger put his watermelon on top of his bag of tortilla chips. No, in my experience the folks arguably most in need for karmic punishment are the ones least likely to get it.

Jill’s Answers

41. What is a quote that you love? “Are you ready to get fucked?” – Jack

42. Do you think of pure hate as something humanity created? Yes. I once saw two animals fight in a manner so barbaric that I found myself frightened despite the fact that I was watching the fight on television. When one of the animals was dead, the other did not in any way desecrate the body, or terrorize the animal’s mate or young.

43. When was the last time you wanted to scream? When I read this list of questions. Admit it, you did too.

44. Do you ever at times see the world in black and white? No. There are usually two sides to a story, and I am proud of my ability to see the story rationally, understand both sides, and come to a conclusion.

45. Have you ever thought that cell phones are too obtrusive? Not necessarily cell phones themselves, but the obnoxious people who use them inappropriately. I do feel there are certain places where cell phone use should not be tolerated or permitted, such as movie theaters, libraries, and above all, school classrooms. As a kindergarten teacher, yes, I have had to deal with this.

46. In your life, where do you thank the rainbow will end? I have no idea what this question means. On my daughter’s face?

47. What is something that you never want to do again? I was once abandoned in a foreign country by the friends I had come with. While I’ve found myself traveling abroad with people who I could no longer stand, and very much wished that I could ditch, I never actually did it, and besides, I am way too wonderful to deserve such treatment. So I hope that this never happens again. Something else I hope I never have to do again? Answer a list of deep, philosophical Sunday Stealing questions such as these.

48.When was the first time you realized the world was small? When I was orbiting it in the space shuttle. It looked like a little blue marble.

49. How you spend your time contemplating life’s mysteries? If I’m thinking about something deep and mysterious, it means I’m driving, and I’ve finished my audio book or otherwise have nothing to entertain me.

50. Ever discuss your political beliefs with people? No, I don’t. I don’t think the average person wants to debate politics with me. I’m not interested in arguing, and I think that most political discussions lead invariably to argument.

51. Do you care about the environment? Yes. I hope that my grandchildren can live on this planet without having to wear hazmat suits when they go outside to play. I want to do my part to ensure that their childhoods are not drastically different than mine and Jack’s.

52. What’s your motto for life? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, treat people the way I want to be treated, or some other variation of the Golden Rule.

53. Is progress destroying the beauty of the world? Probably.

54. Do you believe there is life somewhere else in the universe? Not really. Maybe there is unintelligent life. It’s an unimaginably large universe and I guess it’s a little arrogant to think that ours is the only planet with life. But I don’t know if I believe that there is an intelligent alien species somewhere, as I imagine they would be known to us by now. I know all of the theories about alien visitors who are supposed to have come to our planet, but I’ve seen enough science fiction movies to know that it wouldn’t be one little gray spaceman in a flying saucer. They would send a fleet.

52. What’s your motto for life? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, treat people the way I want to be treated, or some other variation of the Golden Rule.

53. Is progress destroying the beauty of the world? Probably.

54. Do you believe there is life somewhere else in the universe? Not really. Maybe there is unintelligent life. It’s an unimaginably large universe and I guess it’s a little arrogant to think that ours is the only planet with life. But I don’t know if I believe that there is an intelligent alien species somewhere, as I imagine they would be known to us by now. I know all of the theories about alien visitors who are supposed to have come to our planet, but I’ve seen enough science fiction movies to know that it wouldn’t be one little gray spaceman in a flying saucer. They would send a fleet.

55. Would you like to rule a country? No. I really don’t want the responsibility of ruling a country. As nice as it would be to have subjects who would do anything I ask, I do not want to be in charge of making decisions for other people’s lives.

56. Do you believe everything has a purpose? Yes. I think that everything has a purpose. I can’t say the same for everyone, though. What the fuck is Paris Hilton’s purpose on this planet?

57. Is war ever for the best? I don’t believe in war. I feel that everyone should get along. However, since this is simply not reality, I understand that war is sadly necessary, especially when people are being denied their basic human rights. In this kind of situation, when basic freedom is at stake, I do feel that war is for the best.

58. Could you kill anyone in defense of self or loved ones? Yes. I would fight back without hesitation, and kill if it was the only way to prevent the harm or death of myself or my loved ones. I am not a violent person. Most of the time I believe people are inherently good and I give them the benefit of the doubt. But if you are threatening my daughter, for example, I will do whatever is necessary to remove that threat.

59. How do you react to people (Such as Governor Rick Perry) who don’t believe global warming is really our fault? I hate to generalize, but because he’s a Republican I ignore him.

60. Does love conquer all? I wish I could believe so. It makes a nice slogan and gives us all hope that there can be an end to hatred and war. I appreciate love for the way it makes life better. But I don’t feel that it conquers all.

61. Is euthanasia morally acceptable? When your quality of life has fallen to the point that you can no longer perform basic bodily functions without assistance, you should have the right to end your life on your own terms.

62. Is world peace impossible? Yes. I don’t believe that peace is compatible with human nature. Unfortunately, there are too many in the world who oppose the idea of peace, and unless there is some sort of drastic evolutionary change, world peace will probably never be achieved.

63. Is pride a good or a bad thing? Pride is a good thing. Why would you wake up in the morning if you had nothing to be proud of? Why would you want to go on living? I can’t understand people who don’t take pride in themselves, their appearance, and their work.

64.What do you think is the purpose of your life? I think my purpose is to bring happiness to my daughter and my husband, as well as myself, and to educate young people, something I have been doing for more than fifteen years. I also think my purpose includes having the best sex possible.

65. Do you believe in karma? Yes. Ultimately, I believe – or at least hope – that you reap what you sow in life. If you are a complete asshole, something is going to bite you in the ass.